The stupid thing I wrote because I'm stupid XD
by DatFangurl
Summary: Title pretty much says it all, I guess you can think of it as a RWBY Robot chicken. lol
1. Chapter 1

**Yang and Blake standing outside Team SSSN's dorm**

Blake: "I don't know, do I have to tell him today?"

Yang: "The longer you put this off, the harder this will be." (knocks on door)

Sun(opens door, wearing absolutely no shirt) : "Hey Blake, can you come back later? Now's not a good time."

Blake(takes deep breath) : "No I can't, there's no easy way to say this, but I've been cheating on you with Yang."

Yang: "Sorry bra."

Sun: "Hmm, well that sucks, but honestly its kind of a relief."

Blake: "What do you mean?"

Sun: "Well I've been cheating on you too."

Blake: "Oh my god."

Yang: "See, this is perfect. Now everyone's happy."

Blake: "Who were you cheating on me with?"

Sun: "Weeeeelll-"

Ruby (wearing nothing, but Sun's shirt): "Honey, come back to bed."

Yang: "WHAT DA FUCK!"

* * *

Adam: "Humans shouldn't just fear the Faunus, they should serve the Faunus."

Sienna: "...You know what, you make a good case. Okay Adam, I'll step down and give you complete control of the White Fang."

Adam O_O: "...Wait seriously, oh man and ta think I was this close to killing you."

Sienna: "What?!"

Adam: "Uh nothing, let's go attack Haven."

* * *

Jaune and Pyrrha making out and getting frisky

Pyrrha: "Whisper something dirty into my ears."

Jaune: "I wanna see your cock in my mouth."

Pyrrha: "WHAT!"

Jaune: "WHAT NO-UH NOTHING, NEVER MIND!"

* * *

Sun eating cereal

Blake: "Nyah."

Sun: "NO BLAKE NO!"

Blake: "NYAH!"

Sun: "GET DA FUCK AWAY FROM MY FOOD, GET YOUR ASS BACK INTO THE GARAGE, I WILL MOVE YOUR LITTER BOX TO THE FUCKING STREET!"

Neptune: "Maybe if you weren't such a cock tease, Blake wouldn't be all up in your food bro."

* * *

Yang squeezing Juniors balls

Yang: "People say you know everything, tell me where I can find her and I'll let you go."

Junior: "I ain't telling you shit."

Yang: "Really? Not even if I do THIS!" (squeezes harder)

Junior: "AAAHHHH HARDER BITCH, SQUEEZE EM HARDER!"

Yang: "What?"

Junior: "TWIST MY NIPPLES"

Yang: "Okay this isn't how I saw this playing out."

Junior: "SPANK ME YOU DIRTY WHORE!"

* * *

Mercury: "Y'all are some ignorant fucking cunts."

Blake: (gasps)

Weiss: (gasps)

Yang: (growls)

Nora: "I want you to piss in my vagina."

* * *

Kali(looking at Sun): "I like him"

 _ **OOOOOHHHH YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHH**_

* * *

Mercury and Emerald holding the Fall Maiden Amber in place. Cinder takes out a giant two sided dildo

Amber (scared) : "Please no."

* * *

Qrow: "Well Ruby, turns out I'm not your biological father and I'm in no way related to you."

Ruby: "What do we do now."

Qrow(Stares seductively) _**OOOOOHHHH YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHH**_

* * *

Neo: "I was seconds away from stabbing Yang to death and people still ship me with her and her sister."

* * *

Glynda: "I don't think that Arc kid knows how to unlock his aura."

Ozpin: "So?"

Glynda: "So you just launched him into the air without knowing what a landing strategy is into a Grimm infested forest. What happens when he dies and someone from his family swears vengeance on you. You know, like Hazel."

Ozpin: "Bitch, I'm immortal I don't give a shit."

* * *

Sun, Blake, Velvet all standing by.

Velvet: "OMG I am like so excited for this movie its gonna be epic."

Sun: "Hell yeah it is, when's Yang coming?"

Blake: "She'll be here, she said she has a surprise for us."

Velvet: "Hey I think I see here n-...Oh...My god."

Yang (arrives wearing cat ears): "Hey guys, y'all pumped up to see Lazer Team 7?"

Sun O_O: "Yang...What are you wearing?"

Yang: "Like my cat ears, made em myself. I think they make me look sexy."

Velvet: "I...I can't, I WOW Yang, I can't even look at you right now." (leaves)

Yang: "Whoa, wait Velvet what did I do?"

Velvey: (off in the distance) "DON'T EVEN FUCKING TALK TO ME YANG!"

Yang: "Seriously, what did I do?"

Sun: "Yang, you can't just wear something like that. That's like, really offensive to us."

Yang: "Gah, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause offense. I just, you know wanted to be like you guys."

Blake: "Yang, come with me. We're gonna have a LOOONNG talk."


	2. Chapter 2

Yang: "I have one question for you."

Mercury: "What is it?"

Yang (points at metal legs): "WHAT ARE THOOOOOOOOSSSEEE!"

* * *

 **Black trailer**

Adam: "I'll set the charges."

Blake: "What about the crew members."

Adam: "What about them, the White Fang is a large organization that's employed violence and killed people related to the SDC ever since Sienna took over. Why are you suddenly so surprise we're setting bombs here?"

Blake: "I don't know, I guess the writers didn't plan very far ahead."

* * *

Blake: "Convince me why I should fuck either of you."

Yang: "I have giant boobs."

Blake: "Good answer and you Sun."

Sun: "I can fill both your holes with my tail and my dick."

Blake: "Sun wins."

Yang: "Uhhhh, wait I have toys."

Sun: "Sorry bra."

* * *

Ruby: "What's the matter Yang?"

Yang: "Blake dumped me for Sun. Now where am I suppose to find an emo lesbian Faunus?"

Ilia: "I'm an emo lesbian Faunus, fuck me."

Yang: "There's just no other emo lesbian Faunus's out there."

Ilia: "I'm right here, I fit that description. Fuck me pleeeeaaaase."

Yang: "Just no one."

Ilia: "WHY WON'T ANYONE FUCK ME!"

* * *

Mercury: "Hey Cinder, wanna see my cock?"

Cinder: "I have a better idea, I'll show you mine." (reveals to be futa)

Mercury: "Holly crap...That's a nice looking cock."

Cinder: "Thank you."

Mercury: "Can I lick it?"

* * *

Jaune: "So you're a farmer huh, do you like Compost King?"

Oscar: "OMG I LIIIIIVVVEEE for that game."

Jaune: "NO FUCKING WAY, WANNA BE BEST FRIENDS!"

Oscar: "YEAH I DO!"

 **EPIC BROMANCE**

* * *

Jaune: "I'm an awkward teenage boy, wanna go out with me?"

Weiss: "Pass."

Neptune: "I'm an awkward teenage boy with great hair."

Weiss: "OMG FUCK ME NOW!"

* * *

Adam: "Alright, which one of you dies first?"

Yang: "Oh man, I've been itching to fight you again."

Adam: "Ah so the bimbo wants another round, bring it in on washing machine and I'm not just saying that because you're a cyborg. I'm saying it, because you're a wo-" (gets punched so hard he smashes into the wall)

Mecury: "You okay Adam?"

Adam: "Eat a dick."

* * *

Neptune: "Man, I'm never going to be featured in canon RWBY again."

Scarlet: "At least you're in RWBY chibi, I've only had one line of dialogue."

Sage: "PFFF, I didn't even get that."


	3. Chapter 3

Port: "Now class I have a story for you all. When I was a lad, I had this friend that I was very much infatuated with. We were just kids and neither of us understood our feelings for each other at the time and when she moved away it was one of the hardest times in my life. I felt truly alone. I later reunited with her in my academy days and her and I were on the same team, but she already had a boyfriend whom she loved very much. As hard as it was, I swallowed my feelings for her because I just wanted her to be happy. Even during her wedding day, I still placed a smile on my face hiding the pain of losing her forever, but then years later she came to my house. In tears she explained, she made a mistake and that she always loved me and regrets never marrying me. I was so filled with joy I nearly kissed her, but stopped myself and said, no I can't. She then assures me, that its okay. She's going to get a divorce lawyer and all she needed was a little bit of money. I was so excited of the thought of being with my one true love I couldn't help, but say no matter the cost I'll help. How much money do you need?"

"She looks at me dead in the eyes and says. I need...I need about tree fiddy."

"...Well it was about that time. I realized my childhood crush was a three story high crustacean from the paleolithic era. Goddamn you, Loch Ness monster, I ain't giving you no tree fiddy! I yelled as she swam out into the sunset."

* * *

 **First morning in the Team RWBY dorm.**

Ruby: "We should ditch the beds... (GASPS) And replace them with bunk beds!"

Yang: "Naw, I have a better idea. Let's get rid of two of the beds, push the other two together and sleep together in one big bed."

Blake: "YEEEES! We could have orgies every night then."

Weiss: "Uh, shouldn't we vote on this?"

Ruby(Grabs Weiss's boobs whispering) "I think we just did."

* * *

Ilia: "Honey I'm home. WHAT DA HELL!?" (See's Blake cheating on her)

Blake: "Ilia this isn't what it looks like."

Adam: "Sorry bra."

* * *

Adam: "Honey I'm home. WHAT DA HELL!?" (See's Blake cheating on him)

Blake: "Adam this isn't what it looks like."

Sun: "Sorry bra."

* * *

Sun: "Honey I'm home. WHAT DA HELL!?" (See's Blake cheating on him)

Blake: "Sun this isn't what it looks like."

Yang: "Sorry bra."

* * *

Blake: "Honey I'm home. WHAT DA HELL!?" (See's Yang cheating on her with Sun, Ilia, and Adam at the same time)

Yang: "Um...Its exactly what it looks like."

Blake: "...Got room for one more?"

* * *

Random civilian: "Little boy, where are your parents, why are you by yourself?"

Oscar: "A voice in my head told me to abandon my home and travel across the country."

Random civilian: O_O

* * *

Roman: "Who da fuck are you?"

Chris Hansen: "I'm Chris Hansen from to catch a predator. Are you aware Neo is only 14?"

Roman: "Well...Our relationship is strictly professional."

Chris Hansen: "Is that why you messaged her account '69IceCreamCutie69' hey baby, I want to lick you up and down all night long."

Roman: "I-ummm?!"

Chris Hansen: "Then we have messages to a 15 year old girl, username 'CrescentRose' hey cutie, why don't you park that cute butt on my dick and"

Roman: "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE" (runs away)

* * *

Port: "Good morning Ozpin, I understand you want to talk to me about my performance."

Ozpin: "Yes, there's no easy way to say this, but...You're fired."

Port: O_O "What why?"

Ozpin: "You flirted with an underage girl in your first scene of this show. Yang didn't appreciate that and now I'm forced to fire you."

Port: "This-this is most unsettling."

Ozpin: "There's more Port, we...Found certain porn on your scroll."

Chris Hansen: "Hello Mr Port, I'm Chris Hansen."


	4. Chapter 4

**Ozpin sitting down with Qrow**

Ozpin: "Qrow Branwen, everyone's favorite badass."

Qrow: (smiles)

Ozpin: "Well...I'm afraid we no longer need your services."

Qrow: "...What?"

Ozpin: "You're fired."

Qrow: "I'm...Why?"

Ozpin: "You have one of the lamest semblances in the entire show. Your superpower, is bad luck. Do you realize how dumb that is?"

Qrow: "I'm very good at what I do."

Ozpin: "You're also a huge liability. I get you have your own lone wolf style, but what happens when you get injured? Look at me, I fell down a well, maybe someone will come to my rescue, oh nevermind I'm unlucky and I can't turn it off. Guess I'll die."

Qrow: "I'm very careful."

Ozpin: "OOOOOHHH, excuse me for thinking you're not careful in a world where monsters can grow to massive sizes, or god like beings can control the elements. I suppose having a walking doom magnet under my payroll makes perfect sense then."

Qrow: "My semblance is still useful."

Ozpin: "Oh you wanna talk about useful? Do you know what the Schnee's can do with their glyphs? Oh I don't know, create barriers, manipulate gravity, summon mother fucking monsters and here you are all like, hey look at me I'm unlucky. I'm a dark brooding lone wolf."

Qrow: "Yeah but"

Ozpin: "Your fucking nieces have cooler semblances than you. Ruby can move fast and disintegrate into rose peddles, Yang can absorb energy and dish it back out.

Qrow: "Look my semblance has come in handy plenty of times."

Ozpin: "I guess, but its not even something you could turn off and on, and its not even like Domino from X men, who can manipulate probability by sheer focus."

Qrow: "Ozpin, I think you're looking at this"

Ozpin: "Nope, get the fuck out of here, before your bullshit semblance gets me killed. Why the fuck, would anyone depend on you to do the simplest tasks is beyond me."

* * *

Blake: "Why should I fuck either of you?"

Sun: "I can fill both your holes with my dick and my tail."

Blake: "Still a good answer, Yang?"

Yang reveals robot arm transforms to have a massive thick dildo on the end. Then pulls a lever causing the dildo to vibrate so hard it sounds like a chainsaw.

Blake O_O "Yeah Yang wins this round."

Sun: "Fuck."

Yang: "Sorry bra."

* * *

Ruby: "Hey Miss Goodwitch, can I have a cookie?"

Glyda: "You can have two." (takes off shirt to reveal boobs)

Ruby: "...Still waiting on my cookies."

* * *

Jaune: "Hey Tai, you're good with the ladies right?"

Tai: "That's an understatement, it wasn't just Summer and Raven, I had a whole harem at my feet back in my academy days."

Jaune: "Well, how did you get any girls to like you?"

Tai: "It's real simple, just learn to speak French. Any amount of French will do, because French is the language of love and chicks dig it."

Jaune: "Well I only know one French phrase."

Tai: "Then just say it, I'm telling ya, it doesn't have to make sense."

Jaune: "Well...Okay."

 **Goes to Team RWBY's dorm**

Ruby: "Hey Jaune, what's you need?"

Jaune: (takes a deep breath) "Omelette du...Fromage?"

Ruby: O_O

Weiss: O_O

Blake: O_O

Yang: O_O "What did you just say?"

Jaune: "Um, Omelette du fromage?"

 **All girls tackle him**

Ruby: "OMG JAAAUUUNE, that is so romantic."

Weiss: "You're a total dream.

Blake: "Say it again Jaune, oh please say it again."

Jaune: sensually whispers "Omeleeeeettte du...Fromage."

 **Team RWBY have a collective orgasm**

* * *

Qrow: "You're looking pretty smug."

Tai: "I, just helped a poor boy who had trouble with the ladies and I feel pretty good about it."

(Of in the distance) Ruby: "DAAAAD, Yang and I are here and we want you to meet our new boyfriend."

Tai: "...Our new boyfriend?"

 **Ruby and Yang bring Jaune in while holding onto his arms**

Jaune: "Uh, hey Mr. Xiao long...Your uh, advice worked by the way."

 **Tai stares at Jaune with murder in his eye.**

Qrow takes out harbinger: "Kid...RUN!"

* * *

Neo: "I know you pervs fap to me...And I like it."

* * *

Emerald: "Honey I'm home."

Cinder(wearing a French maid outfit): "Hi sweetie, how have you been?"

Emerald: "Its been a long day of work and I'm a bit exhausted."

Cinder: "Aw, well I know how to cheer you up" (Starts stripping)

Emerald: "Yeah baby shake it."

 **Real** Cinder: "Well this is a peculiar sight."

Emerald: "AAHHH!" (French maid Cinder disappears)

Cinder: "Using your illusion powers so selfishly are we."

Emerald: "I'm sorry, I just."

Cinder: "Well, go on. Make the other me appear."

Emerald: "What?"

Cinder: "Actually you know what, can you make a whole strip club of mes."

Emerald: "Um...Okay."

 **Conjures an entire strip club with multiple Cinders stripping**

Cinder: "Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about."


	5. Chapter 5

Oobleck: "GOODMORNINGOZPIN,IAMHAPPYTOREPORTTOYOUROFFICETODISCUSSMYPERFORMANCEEVALUTIONS.I'DLIKETOSAYIAMFULLYKNOWLEDGBLEOFALL"

Ozpin: "Oobleck, I'm gonna stop you right here. You're fired."

Oobleck: "PREPOSTEROUS!FORWHATREASONTHATWOULDDIGNIFYMYTERMINATION."

Ozpin: "Oobleck, you talk so fast nobody can understand what you're saying. You realize your students have the lowest grades of any class."

Oobleck: "OZPINPLEASEISIMPLYNEED"

Ozpin: "NO! What you need to do, is lay off the fucking cocaine before your heart fires out of your chest."

Oobleck: "...How did you know about my cocaine addiction?"

* * *

Blake: "Why should I fuck either of you?"

Yang: "My robot arm gives intense orgasms."

Blake: "Still a good answer and you Sun."

Sun: (creates multiple golden clones with huge erections) "Does this answer your question."

Blake: "That does look enticing."

Velvet: "What are you guys doing?"

Yang: "We're competing on who gets to fuck Blake."

Velvet: "OOOO can I state my case then? I wanna fuck Blake."

Blake: "Well okay, why should I fuck you?"

Velvet: "You're a catgirl and I'm a bunnygirl, we're two fetishes made for each other."

Blake: "Velvet wins."

Sun and Yang: "FUCK!"

Velvet: "Sorry bras."

* * *

 **How Kali fell in love with Ghira**

Ghira: "OMG, Kali your leg's hurt."

Kali: "No, it's fine. Its just a scratch."

Ghira: "Nonsense, let me take off my shirt and wrapped that up for you."

Kali getting a massive nosebleed after witnessing Ghira's muscular body.

Ghiral: "Oh no, now your face is bleeding. Let me take off my pants."

* * *

Ruby: "Weiss, give me one reason why you won't fuck me."

Weiss: "It's because I like dick Ruby, alright."

Ruby (drops skirt and panties, reveals to be futa)

Weiss O_O "Okay, we can fuck now."

* * *

Scarlet or Search engine, search engine or Scarlet. Which one said it? Let's find out.

Yang: "I'm gonna say, do babies float was from a search engine."

Sun: "You are...Incorrect."

Yang: "Da fuck is wrong with you?"

Scarlet: "Well I heard of babies being born in water and I thought...That's pretty cool, but then I'm like, what happens next?"

Ruby: "Clearly there's a guy on the side of the water with a pool skimmer all, I used this fish out a dead possum so a baby's no problem."

* * *

Jaune's dad: "What's the matter son?"

Jaune: "I'm so awkward around girls that I fear I'll never get a girlfriend."

Jaune's dad: "Well son, there's nothing to worry about because 3/4 of our planet's population are sexy waifus."

Jaune: "Really?"

Jaune's dad: "Why do you think you have seven sisters? Females just have a higher chance of being born for some reason. You'll get a girlfriend in no time."

Jaune: "Hell yeah."


	6. Chapter 6

Ozpin: "Glynda, glad to see you here. I don't always get to say that"

Glynda: "Uh yeah, what's this I hear about you downsizing-"

Ozpin: "Ab ba bub, not important right now. The only thing that's important is your termination."

Glynda: "...You're...Firing me?"

Ozpin: "Yes, because you are worthless and undependable as fuck."

Glynda: "I'm one of the most OP characters under your payroll."

Ozpin: "Oh I agree, but your intelligence is that of a four year old with down syndrome. Remember the dust heist? Gee, you'd think a semblance such as telekinesis, strong enough to move multiple heavy boulders could, oh I don't know, grab the fucking air ship and slam it into the ground. Yet here you are making it rain hail. Do you honestly think these advance flight based vehicles can't handle a little hail? Oh and what else, maybe if I throw tiny amounts of debris, that'll stop em."

Glynda: "Okay...I suppose I could've handle that situation better."

Ozpin: "Which is more than what I could say about that breach at the end of volume 2."

Glynda: "What are you talking about? We stopped the Grimm from pouring into the city."

Ozpin: "Oh is it **WE** now, cause last time I checked all of our students got there long before you did and nearly all of the Grimm were killed before you did anything. The battle was fucking over Goodwitch, we all appreciate you patching up the hole, but I'd say you're more of a housekeeper at this point than a huntress."

Glynda: "Ozpin, I could still be of value to you."

Ozpin: "Oh can you? Well here's the thing, I could forgive all of that, but the one thing I can't forgive was that little field trip to the forest of forever fall."

Glynda (sweating) : "Oh uh that."

Ozpin: "Goodwitch, you were sent with those students for literally one **FUCKING** thing. You were sent there to make sure NOBODY dies so they could harvest syrup. And what happens, that Winchester kid gets attack by an Ursa and you're nowhere to be found, like literally you show up for five fucking seconds then poof you're gone."

Glynda: "Yeah but"

Ozpin: "You had ONE job Glynda, one FUCKING job. Make sure the students don't get killed yet nobody could find you the moment that thing appeared. Where did you even go that allowed for that entire confrontation between the Arc kid and the Ursa to go uninterrupted?"

Glynda: "Uhhhhh?"

Ozpin: "You know what no. I'm done with you Glynda, you're more useless than Qrow and his semblance is literally bad luck. Get the hell out of my school."

* * *

Adam: "So what are you doing here?"

Oscar: "Oh you know, just...Strolling around."

Adam: "Strolling around?"

Oscar: "Strolling around."

Adam: "Thwarting my plans?"

Oscar: "Thwarting your plans?"

Adam: "Are you?"

Oscar: "No."

Adam: "Good, cuz that would be bad."

Oscar: "How bad?"

Adam: "I'd have to kill you."

Oscar: "That's bad."

Adam: "Indeed, stupid looking cane you got there."

Oscar: "Yes, it helps me walk... and nothing else."

Adam: "Well yeah that's what a cane does. Dumbass."

* * *

Ilia: "Hey Yang, you feeling alright?"

Yang: "No, Blake dumped me for Sun and now I'm feeling lonely."

Ilia: "Well you know, maybe I could help you with that?"

Yang: O_O"...Yeah I appreciate the sentiment sweetie, but I'm not gay."

Ilia: "Eh what? You've fucked Blake several times though."

Yang: "Just cause I like pussy doesn't mean I'm gay."

Ilia: "... **WHAT!** "

* * *

Sienna: "You know, if you want Adam dead I can have that arranged, but it'll cost you."

Blake: "OMG I would do anything for that to happen."

Sienna(Evil Grin): "Glade to hear you say that, cuz I got some fun ideas for you to earn this favor."

Blake: "Uhhh."

Sienna: "Strip."

* * *

Ruby: "Yang I'm scared."

Yang: "What do you have to be scared about?"

Ruby: "Jaune and I slept together a few months back and I think I might be pregnant?"

Yang: "You...What?"

Ruby: "Yeah he told me not to worry about it. I asked if he at least wore a condom, but he said he didn't need one."

Yang: "That FUCKING ASSHOLE, I'm gonna kill him."

 **Team JNPR's dorm**

Jaune: "And yeah, after that Ruby and I fell asleep together in the grass under the stars."

Nora: "OOOO you two slept together. Steamy."

Jaune: "Very funny Nora, but all we did was sleep...Literally just sleep. Of course Ruby's so innocent she asked if I wore a con-"

Yang(busting down Team JNPR's door): "JAAAAUUUNNE! You think you could just knock up my baby sister and get away with it!"

Jaune(gulp)


	7. Chapter 7

In Ozpin's office, a hologram of Salem sat across from Ozpin's desk

* * *

Ozpin: "Ah Salem, I'm happy you agreed on this little meeting."

Salem: "I don't think we'll ever agree on anything, but I'm always happy to meet as friends. What did you want to talk about?"

Ozpin: "Yes well...How to put it? You're fired."

Salem: O_o "...What?"

Ozpin: "This isn't working out."

Salem: "I-WHAT? You can't fire me, I don't work for you."

Ozpin: "And yet I just did. I just can't have such a lame arch nemesis. Seriously, your entire design looks like an edgy teenager's OC for a Final Fantasy villain. You're dumb."

Salem: "My appearance strikes fear into mortals Ozpin."

Ozpin: "Oh it does really, is that why you styled your hair into that massive impractical bun? Cause I can't imagine waking up every morning going to the salon and asking your local hairdresser for that laughable Bram Stoker look."

Salem: "Oh ho ho, YOU'RE going to make fun of my hair supporting that Justin Bieber cut?"

Ozpin: "Ouch."

Salem: "You look like an old man trying to fit in with his hipster grandkids."

Ozpin: "I dress professionally, what are you talking about?"

Salem: "You think a green turtleneck underneath a suit looks professional? You look like a leprechaun at a job interview."

Ozpin: "You look like Lady Gaga walking out of a Hot Topic."

Salem: "You look like Willy Wonka at funeral."

Ozpin: "Clever, almost as clever as your band of minions you got following you."

Salem: "You're really gonna poke fun of my minions?"

Ozpin: "Oh I'm sure that loony scorpion guy was real hard to sway. What'd you have to do, feed his meth addiction?"

Salem: "Please, you have a guy who's only superpower is bad luck."

Ozpin: "Oh I fired Qrow's worthless ass."

Salem: "Oh did you now."

Ozpin: "Yes he's a piece of garbage and I got rid of him."

Salem: "Good for you then."

Ozpin: "You know who you should fire."

Salem: "Who?"

Ozpin: "Your tailor, seriously a long black gown looks more impractical than fighting in a cape. At least get a combat skirt."

Salem: "Why would anyone fight in a combat skirt? Everyone would see your panties in a fight."

Ozpin: "Same reason they'd need an hour every morning working up that atrocity on your head."

Salem: "Oh are we back to hairstyles?"

Ozpin: "My Queen, we must destroy our enemies, they're at our door. Not yet, I still need go through three more cans of hairspray to strike fear into mortals."

Salem: "You know Oz,em I could make fun of your pedophile ass all day."

Ozpin: "Pedophile?"

Salem: "But I'd rather just return to destroying this world."

(Salem's hologram disappears)

Ozpin: "...Cliched bitch."

* * *

Nora: "So you guys are like orphans too."

Emerald: "Well yes, I grew up without a home or family and Mercury..."

Mercury: "My folks are out of the picture."

Nora: "OMG Reeeeen, they're just like us."

Ren: "I see, so when is your ship becoming canon?"

Emerald: "Uh never, Cinder and I are destined to be together."

Mercury: "haaaaaaa, yeah I'm suuuure you and Cinder will hook up."

Emerald: "Hey come on, she could learn to love me back...Eventually...Maybe."

Mercury: "I think Rosewick has a higher chance of happening than you two."

* * *

Jaune: "You took my Pyrrha away from me you bitch."

Cinder: "...Sooooo, you're single then?"

* * *

And now a special guest from the OC Bleu Greann from the Greannrose series

A blue haired girl with a blue hoodie and massive tits enters Beacon.

Bleu: "Oh boy, I can't wait to attend Beacon and begin my epic and sexy adventure."

Off to the side

Ruby: "Yeah so apparently Weiss is straight and won't go out with me."

Yang: "I'm not surprised tbh, out of all the female characters she's the last person to turn out gay if you think about it."

Ruby: "Yeah well..."(Sees Bleu) "OMG YAAAANG, is that a waifu?"

Yang: "No I'm pretty sure that's just a blueberry with legs."


	8. Chapter 8

Yang: "Alright Blake, no more games. It's time for you to choose your sexy blonde."

Sun: "I agree, this isn't fun for either of us."

Blake: "Guys I'm sorry, you both mean so much to me."

Sun: "You know what fine, I'm done being in competition for you." (Begins to leave)

Blake: "Sun wait."

Yang: "You know what I agree, this is no way to treat us I'm out too."

Blake: "Yaaang,"

Sun: "Okay well if she's out I'm back in."

Blake: "What"

Yang: "OH NO YOU DON'T, I'm back in too."

Blake: "GUYS! Can we at least see what happens in canon and just accept what happens regardless? I mean who knows, maybe I hook up with someone other than you two or I end up single by the end of this."

Sun: "Well okay, kiss goodbye?"

Blake: "Well uh?"

Yang: "Well if you're gonna kiss her goodbye then I'm kissing her goodbye too."

Blake: "Guys hold on"

Sun: (leans in to kiss Blake's left cheek)

Yang: (leans in to kiss Blake's right cheek)

Blake: (ducks out of the way)

Yang and Sun kiss

Yang: O_O

Blake: O_O

Sun: O_O

Yang: (snickers) "Wow Sun, you really suck at kissing."

Sun: "Hey no fair, I wasn't even trying. If I was trying you'd be all over me."

Yang: "Prove it monkey boy."

Sun and Yang engage in a sloppy kiss

Blake: "...Yeah uhhh I'm gonna go."

* * *

Roman: "So little miss ice cream, what makes you qualified to be my sidekick?"

Neo: "Well I'm highly skilled in combat, I've been committing crimes since I could walk, and I'm willing to sleep with you to get this job."

Roman: "...Ahhhh hehe, I don't know about that last one."

Neo: "I'm legal."

Roman: "Welcome aboard."

* * *

Ruby: "Nora, where do babies come from?"

Nora: "Well when a man likes a woman, he sticks his penis inside her and pees."

Yang: "What, no, just no. Ruby that's not where babies come from."

Ruby: "Well where do they come from?"

Yang: "Okay so when a man and a"

Ren(enters): "Hey girls, what are you three talking about?"

Ruby: "Just talking about where babies come from."

Ren: "Okay cool, anyways, Nora I finally got Cardin's blood out of your favorite dress."

Nora: "Reeeen, you're so sweet."

Ren: "Anything for you, I'll catch you all later." (Leaves)

Nora: "He can pee in me any day."

Yang: "Okay seriously Nora what the fuck."

* * *

Glynda: "Miss Schnee this is the forth time this week I've catch you texting in my class. I'm going to have to punish you."

Weiss: "Okay fine, what am I getting? Detention, extra homework, what?"

Glynda: "I'm gonna spank you until you cry."

Weiss: "What...Are, are you serious?"

Uses telekinesis on ropes to restrain Weiss to the desk. Glynda lifts up Weiss's skirt then licks her weapon.

Glynda: "Why do you think my weapon is a riding crop."

Spanks Weiss

Weiss: "GAAHH!"

Glynda: "That's right, take it you little whore. Cause we're not gonna stop until I make you cry."

Weiss: "Well then... You're gonna have to spank me harder."

* * *

Another addition of Bleu Greann from the Greannrose story. Hopefully this is what she had in mind.

Ruby, in her bra and panties was restrained on the bed while Bleu wore sexy lingerie and holding a plate of cookies

Ruby: "Alright do it, come on my little blueberry bitch do it."

Bleu: (takes a bite out of a cookie)

Ruby: "AAAAHHH YES, YEEEEEEEEESSSS that gets me so wet."

Bleu: (licks cookie)

Ruby: "OH GOD YES, now dip it in my pussy and take a bite out of it."


	9. Chapter 9

Oscar: "Where is sheeeee?"

Jaune: "What, who are you talking about?"

Oscar: "Ruby-ROOOOOSE, Need to find Ruby, to appease the voice, in my heeeeaaad."

Nora: "Ren, this kid is creeping me out."

Ren: "Get behind me Nora."

Ozpin's voice: "Oscar, you need to calm down."

Oscar: "SHUT UP GHOST OF OZPIN!"

Jaune: "What-I don't-"

Oscar: "I'M NOT CRAZY, YOU'RE CRAZY! Especially you Ozpin."

* * *

Yang: "My arm can vibrate."

Mercury: "So can my cock."

Yang: "What? Seriously?

Mercury: "I'm all robot from the waist down."

Yang: "...Oh, well that's interesting."

Mercury: "Wanna give it a ride."

Yang: "...Maybe."

* * *

 **The Yellow trailer**

Yang: "Alright who's next."

Junior's Henchmen 1: "Bitch, did you really just sneak into a nightclub underage, assault the owner twice, and now planning on using a firearm in a public establishment."

Yang: "That's right, I'm just that badass."

Junior's Henchmen 2: "...uh no...All of that is like...super illegal."

Junior: "That's it, I'm calling the cops."

* * *

 **Yang and Blake having sex**

Sun: "Honey I'm home, what the hell?"

Blake: "Sun, this isn't what it looks like."

Sun: "Well it looks like you're cheating on me with Yang."

Blake: "Uhhhh?"

Sun: "But if its NOT what it looks like, then... OMG are we having a threeway?!"

Blake: O_O "Uhhhh"

Yang: "Oh yeah, that's totally what's happening right now."

Blake: "It is?"

Yang: **whispers** "It'll be fun."

Sun: "Sweet, you're the best girlfriend ever."

Yang: "Yeah she is, now give THIS pussy the dick and stick that plump tail in MY pussy."

Blake: "You planned this, didn't you."

Yang: "Maybe."

* * *

Jacques: "Honey I'm home, not that, that should matter."

Willow: "I slept with the butler again."

Jacques: "I don't care."

Willow: "I'm pretty sure one of our kids is Klein's."

Jacques: "Pretty sure they're all his."

Willow: "... I hate you."

Jacques: "I know."

* * *

Nora: "So you identify as a lesbian?"

Ilia: "Yeah, I can honestly say I've never found men sexual attractive at all."

Ren: "Hey ladies."

Nora: "Hi Ren, so anyways if you're into girls I could fix you up with Ruby. She's sing-"

Ilia: O_O

Nora: "Uh Ilia"

Ilia: "Okay I might be a little bi."

Nora: "Well then you might be a little dead."


	10. Chapter 10

Raven: "Well then I guess it's time for round goddam two."

Yang: "WAIT! You can't just go off on your own."

Raven: "Are you giving me orders?"

Yang: "Nooo, I'm trying to"

Raven: "OH HOHO, well I'm sorry but... I don't listen to bastards."

 **Raven portals out**

Yang: "Ah haaaaaa ahhhhh."

Qrow: "... Ruby."

Ruby: "Yeah?"

Qrow: "... You're a good kid."

Ruby: "Oh um thanks?"

* * *

Nora: "Hey Pyrrha, what's wrong."

Pyrrha: "I'm just feeling a little depressed lately. Feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and I just don't know what to do anymore"

Nora: "Oh I know how that is."

Pyrrha: "Really cause you seem so carefree and happy all the time."

Nora: "Oh I am, I just do one simple trick that helps me get through the day."

Pyrrha: "Which is?"

Nora: :) "... I lie to myself."

Pyrrha: O_O " w what?"

Nora: "Oh yeah, every morning I tell myself all the my problems will go away and I tell myself things will get better when I know they never will. But I just look at myself every morning and I lie, lie, liiiiieeeee and eventually I just forget I'm lying" :) "...Well see ya Pyrrha." **leaves** "Trallalalalala"

Pyrrha: O_O "... Holy shit."

* * *

Ruby: "Hi, I'm Ruby and I like to eat cookies."

Weiss: "I'm Weiss and I like to eat salad."

Blake: "I'm Blake and I like to eat fish."

Yang: "I'm Yang and I like to eat pussy"

Blake: "... Uh what?"

Yang: ;)

* * *

Weiss: "Hey Neptune, you make me so wet"

Neptune: "AAHHHH!" **Runs away**

Weiss: "..."

Sun: "Sorry Weiss, but his aqua-phobia really is THAT bad."

Weiss: "That does it I'm fucking Jaune."

Jaune: "Sorry bitch my new girlfriend is way hotter than you."

Weiss: "FUUUUUUUU"

* * *

Taiyang: "Well girls, big news, you two are getting a sibling"

Ruby: "REALLY! OMG that's sooooo great, I can't wait to be a big sister."

Yang: "I didn't even know you were dating again, who'd you knock up."

Taiyang: "Weeelll"

Qrow: "Me."

Ruby: O_O

Yang: O_O "What?"

Qrow: "Yeah I'm pregnant"

Yang: "I-that's not possible, you're both men."

Qrow: "In fan fiction ANYTHING's possible."

Taiyang: "Yep and after impregnating two different people from my old team, I finally realized who my soulmate is."

Qrow: "Aw come here you."

 **Qrow and Tai make out**

Ruby: O_O "... Yang... This is weird right?"

Yang: "Oh yeah."


	11. Chapter 11

Tai: "So, you wanna go out sometime?"

Summer: "Aw Taaaaiiii~"

Qrow: "Hol-up there bitch, dis ass belongs to me."

Tai: "Her ass is yours? How so?"

Qrow: "I licked it, its mine."

* * *

Yang: "You know Jaune, I think I'm starting to like you."

Jaune: "Really, cause I think I might like"

 **Yang gets impaled**

Jaune: "OMG!"

Cinder: "HOW MANY BITCHES DO I HAVE TO KILL TO GET YOU TO NOTICE ME!"

* * *

Ghira: "We now have conformation that Kylo Ren murdered his superior in cold blood and took over the First Order."

Crowd: "What, huh, what does that have to do with the White Fang?"

Ghira: "Oh I'm sorry, I accidently read the synopsis for The Last Jedi. What I meant to say was Adam Taurus murdered his superior in cold blood and took over the White Fang."

Sun: "...Yeeeaaaah, anyone else find it incredibly weird those two very similar events happened so close to each other?"

Blake: "That and apparently Qrow was seconds away from murdering Ruby in her sleep."

Sun: "WHAT!"

Blake: "Kidding."

* * *

Raven: "We're gonna use the power of the relics for ourselves."

Me watching: "OOOO a third party antagonist, this sounds interesting."

Raven: "Okay screw the relics, instead I'm gonna go run away and hide like a little bitch."

Me watching: -_- "...Are you fucking kidding me."

* * *

Salem: "That will do my malicious minions, you're all free to go...Except for you Merc, come over here for a sec."

Mercury: "Uh yeah, what's you need?"

Salem: "Well what I need from you is simply a bit of company my boy" ;)

Mercury: "...What do you mean?"

Salem: "I need you, to invade my castle."

Mercury: "I don't understand."

Salem: "Why don't you...Show me your manhood."

Mercury: "Still not following."

Salem: "Uh, stroke my pussy?"

Mercury: "You have a cat?"

Salem: "Holy FUCK! Do I have to spell it out for you? I WANT, to have sex with you."

Mercury: "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...Yeah I still have no idea what you're talking about."

Salem: "... I have nothing else to say, not one word of that sentence could have been interpreted, any other way."

Mercury: "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, I get it now."

Salem: "Thank you."

Mercury: "You're saying you want me and Emerald to hook up right?"

Salem: "What?"

Mercury: "Well no worries, I'm still working that angle. Sup babe."

Emerald: "Still not into you, creep."

Mercury: "She's so into me."

* * *

Jaune: "Well Oscar, looks like you're the compost king."

Oscar: "SWEEEEEET! Now its ten to ten."

Jaune: "You ready for a tie breaker?"

Oscar: "You know it"

Jaune and Oscar: **Screams**

Nora: "Ugh, can you two just shut up and make out already."

Jaune: "Oh god no, Oscar RUN!"

Oscar: "What?"

Cinder: **bursts in** "HOW MANY JAUNE, **HOW MANY!"**


	12. Chapter 12

**Adam knocking on Blake's door**

Adam: "Blake! I have urgent White Fang business that requires your assistance."

Blake: "Uh I'm kinda tied up at the moment, can it please wait?"

Adam: **Enters** "I'm afraid not, we just received word that... What the hell!"

 **Blake tied to the bed in her bra and panties while Ilia stands beside her with a whip**

Blake: "Adam, it's not what it looks like."

Adam: "Well it looks like you're cheating on me with Ilia."

Blake: "Uhhhh."

Adam: "But since its NOT what it looks like, I will assume the best and let you ladies continue with what is clearly a private matter. Carry on." **Leaves**

Blake: "... Man, he really thought we were having sex. I mean really, US having sex. That's just crazy."

Ilia: "Hehe yeeeeaaah, something like that... Would, never" **sniff** "Happen." :'(

Blake: "Oh yeah, not in a million years. Anyways, back to what we were doing. I think I'm finally getting the hang of this escape artistry."

* * *

Jaune: "Say Weiss, you wanna go out sometime."

Weiss: "Jaune, you know I'm a futa right."

Jaune: "I do actually and I think that's hot." **(Doesn't actually know what a futa is)**

Weiss: "Well if you're okay with it, then I guess its fine, we can go out tonight then."

Jaune: "Awesome." **Leaves**

Weiss: **Leaves**

Ruby: "Yang, what does a futa mean?"

Yang: "It means Jaune's gonna get fucked"

* * *

Nora: "Hey Pyrrha, what's wrong?"

Pyrrha: "There's this... Guy I like, but he never notices me and I don't know what to do."

Nora: "OOOOO I know who you're talking about."

Pyrrha: "Really, you do?"

Nora: "Yep and one sheer fire way to win his heart is to just kiss him without warning. Men can be really oblivious sometimes so its best to be as direct as possible."

Pyrrha: "... You're serious?"

Nora: "Dead serious."

Pyrrha: "YOU'RE telling ME I should just kiss HIM and that's completely okay?"

Nora: "Yeah girl, go for it."

 **Jaune and Ren enter**

Jaune: "Hey ladies, what were you two talking about?"

Nora: "Pyrrha, now's your chance."

Pyrrha: "Well okay, if you insist."

 **Pyrrha kisses Ren**

Jaune: "Oh my."

Nora: "WHAT DA FUCK!"

* * *

Velvet: "Hey what's wrong?"

Ilia: "Oh just the love of my life is in the arms of another that's all."

Velvet: "Aw, I'm sorry to hear that."

Ilia: "You know, I thought Blake was the one for me. Smart, beautiful, and virtuous, but I guess I'm just not one the one for her."

Velvet: "Well as the old saying goes," **Places a hand on Ilia's** "There's plenty of fish in the sea."

Ilia: **Blushes** "Oh, I uhhhhh."

Velvet: "I'm Velvet."

Ilia: "Ilia."

Velvet: "You wanna get out of here, perhaps over to my place."

Ilia: "I wow, already inviting me over."

Velvet: "Well I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase, multiply like rabbits." ;)

Ilia: **Turns pink** "Uh yeah wow, yeah let's get the fuck out of here."


	13. Chapter 13

Pyrrha: "Jaune this place is secluded, I can help you train without anyone else noticing."

Jaune: "I appreciate the offer, but I don't need your help now that I got this" **Takes out a Meeseeks box**

Mr. Meeseeks: " _Hi I'm Mr Meeseeks look at me_."

Jaune: "Can you help me with my sword fighting?"

Mr. Meeseeks: " _OOOO_ _Caaaaan dooooooo_."

Pyrrha: "Jaune, I don't know if you wanna get mixed up with a Meeseeks."

Jaune: "Come on Pyrrha, what's the worst that could happen."

 **Literally the next day**

Jaune: "Look I'll choke up, I'll follow though, I'll do whatever you want."

Mr. Meeseeks: " _OH WE'RE WAAAAAAY PAST THAT JAUNE!"_

* * *

Cardin: "OOOOOO look at the pancake addict, has your fatass had enough."

Nora: "Da fuck did you say to me!"

Ren: "Nora let it go."

Nora: "But he"

Ren: "Nora he's not worth it."

Nora: "You know what, you're right. I'll let it go thanks honey."

Cardin: "Hey Ren, I like your shirt, does it come in men's sizes?"

Nora: "MY BOYFRIEND IS OFF LIMITS!"

 **Nora proceeds to kick the living shit out of Cardin**

* * *

Qrow:"Look Willow, I think you have a drinking problem."

Willow: "I hink u HALF a driiinkin pobom."

Qrow: "Alright Miss Schnee, because you're my future mother in law, I'm gonna help you quit drinking. We'll quit together, I won't have a drop of alcohol until you have the confidence to stop by yourself. HEY RUBY!" **Throws flask in Ruby's direction** "Hold onto that for me, until Willow beats her addiction and do not let me have any of it until then."

Ruby: **catches flask** "You got it uncle Qrow."

Weiss: "... Your uncle... Has you hold onto alcohol for him?"

Ruby: "What, is that not normal?"

* * *

Blake: "Mom, Dad... I'm getting married."

Kali: "AAHHH my baby's getting married, I'm so happy."

Ghira: "I couldn't be prouder, who's the lucky man or woman?"

Blake: "Yeah, I actually couldn't decide who to marry, so I'm just marrying Yang Sun and Ilia."

Kali and Ghira: O_O

Kali: "Oh my, well... Certainly means more love to go around."

Ghira: "Yeah I guess so."

Blake: "Great, so I'll see you guys later." **Leaves**

Kali: "... Oh my god, multiple marriages sounds sooooo hot."

Ghira: "I know right, why didn't we think of that. Can we marry Raven? That bitch is smokin hot."

Kali: "OOOOO Yeah, she is hot and if we can snag her Taiyang will definitely be on board, he got a nice dad bod. OH and that Torchwick guy, we have to marry him too."

Ghira: "Uh sweetie, I hate to tell you this, but Roman Torchwick is dead."

Kali: "He is... Awwww, he had so much class."

Ghira: "Pretty sure his sidekick is still alive."

Kali: "OOOO, yeah I wanna fuck that little loli senseless."


	14. Chapter 14

Qrow: "Look, I'll cut to the chase. I don't like you and you don't like me."

Jacques: "Very perceptive of you Mr. Branwen. Perhaps you're not as dumb as you look."

Qrow: "Very funny, but listen... I am admittedly a bit old fashion, so I'm here to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage."

Jacques: "... Well... As far as I'm concerned my daughter's already a failure in every way imaginable, so I don't suppose my opinion of her can get much lower by marrying you. Fine, you have my blessing."

Qrow: "That's wonderful, HEY WEISS! Your dad's cool with it!"

Jacques: "I WHAT!"

Weiss: "Bye dad."

Qrow: "Catch you on the flip side... DAD!"

Jacques: "Mother FUCKER!"

* * *

Taiyang: "So the truth is Ruby, your father is actually Roman Torchwick, but your mother and I had been lying to you for years because she didn't want you to know your dad was a criminal. I'm so sorry."

Ruby: "Oh my..."

Yang: "So wait, Ruby and I aren't even sisters."

Taiyang: "Nope."

Ruby: "So we're not related to each other in any way shape or form."

Taiyang: "Not at all, now girls I know you two might have some concerns regarding this revelation. Ruby what are your thoughts."

Ruby: "The only thought here is that I wanna fuck the shit out this bitch."

Taiyang: "Eh... What?"

Yang: "Well then get your cute little ass over here."

 **Ruby and Yang engage in a sloppy kiss**

Taiyang: "WOW uh girls I don't know if"

Yang: "Shut up dad! My cunt's been wettin for this moment for years."

Ruby: "Mine too, now get lost."

Taiyang: "Ok I'll uh... We'll talk about this later."

* * *

Blake: "Yang, I'd like you to meet my old friend Ilia. She was part of the White Fang, but she's now given up that life and will help us restore the Fang back to what it once was."

Ilia: "Uh hi"

Yang: "... Yeah Blake, can I speak to you in private."

 **Blake and Yang walk to the side**

Yang: "Yeah, I don't know about this "friend" of yours. How do we know we can still trust her."

Blake: "Yang! If it wasn't for her, Adam would have blown us all up. She's changed, I swear."

Yang: "I don't know, there's something about her I just... Don't trust."

Ilia: **Sees a wasp** "Uh oh, don't worry guys I got this" **takes out whip and uses it to kill the wasp**

Yang: O_O "... Okay forget what I said, I like her."

Blake: "Really? Well great, she really needs more friends."

Yang: "Girlfriend maybe?"

Blake: "What? How did you know she was a lesbian?"

Yang: "Oh you know, lucky guess. Anyways Imma go introduce myself" **walks over** " _Hiiiiiiiii Ilia~."_

* * *

Pyrrha: "Jaune, I think we have to break up."

Jaune: "What, why?"

Pyrrha: "Well after some thinking, I've come to terms that I'm a lesbian."

Jaune: "... Well, that sucks."

Pyrrha: "Please don't be mad at me."

Jaune: "What, no I'm not mad you're a lesbian, that's just the way you were born. It just sucks we have to end this, but I completely understand."

Pyrrha: "Can we... Still be friends? You still mean a lot to me."

Jaune: "Of course."

 **Few days later**

Nora: "How you holding up?"

Jaune: "Pretty good and I think I'm ready to move on."

Nora: "You're not gonna ask out Weiss again are you?"

Jaune: "Well no, she's never gonna return my affections, but I think I know someone who will."

 **Walks across the hall**

Jaune: "Ruby Rose, I'd like to ask you..."

 **Sees half naked Ruby over a bound and gaged Pyrrha**

Ruby: "Don't you fucking knock?"

Jaune: "Ah, I'm sorry." **Leaves**

Ruby: "I'm sorry baby, you still horny?"

Pyrrha: "MMMMM hhhhhmmm."

Ruby: "Good, cause I'm gonna do to that pussy what Jaune's pencil thin dick could never do."

Pyrrha: **giggles with excitement**


	15. Chapter 15

Sun: "You know I gotta say Mrs. Belladonna, you're a lot more welcoming than your husband."

Kali: "Give him some time, he'll come around. He did say you're a massive improvement over her last boyfriend."

Sun: "Yeah Adam doesn't seem like a friendly houseguest."

Kali: "Sun, you have know idea."

 **Two years prior(or whenever it would make sense)**

Adam: "My eyes bleed a thousand tears every second I'm away from her sight. Her breath fuels my soul with hope and desire, that Mr. Belladonna, that is how much I need your daughter in my life. Without her I could lose control of the tormented beast inside me."

Blake: "Oh Adam, you're so poetic."

Ghira: "... Kali."

Kali: "Yeah?"

Ghira: "... Call the police."

Blake: "YOU CAN'T STOP OUR LOVE!"

 **Present time**

Kali: "Let's just say our baby was going through a phase."

* * *

 **Another appearance of Bleu Greann from the Greannrose series**

Ruby: **holding a laptop while sad** "Awwww."

Bleu: "What's wrong Ruby."

Ruby: "There's a porn block on the school's wifi."

Bleu: **Uses her techno semblance on the laptop** "There you go, now you have the only laptop in this school with access to porn."

Ruby: "YAY! Bleu, you're the best girlfriend ever."

Bleu: "Aw thank you."

* * *

Penny: "I'm sorry friend Ruby, but I'm afraid I have no interest in sexual activities whether it be with a male or a female. So I'll have to decline your invitation to a threesome, but thank you for thinking me."

Ruby: "Awww, well okay."

Bleu: "Hold on," **Uses techno semblance on Penny**

Penny: "Good news friend Ruby, I now have a desire to fuck you and your girlfriend."

Ruby: "Sweet, Bleu you're the best girlfriend ever."

Bleu: "Oh stop."

* * *

Ren: "I just don't get it, regardless of my efforts, I can't get this old jukebox to work."

Nora: "I guess its just broken beyond repair."

Bleu: "Stand back, I got this." **blows on her fist, hits the jukebox while simultaneously uses her techno semblance, and reactivates it like the Fonz**

Jukebox: " _YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A HOUND DOG~"_

Ruby: "AAHHH, Bleu you're the best waifu ever."

Bleu: "Aaaaeeeiii"

* * *

Sun: "Alright, so we all agree. I get Blake Sundays and Wednesdays."

Yang: "I get her Mondays and Thursdays."

Ilia: "And I get her Tuesdays and Fridays."

Sun: "With the three of us all alternating on Saturdays, do we all agree?"

Yang and Ilia: "Agreed."

Blake, Ren, and Nora: **walk in**

Blake: "Hey guys, guess what. Ren and I found out we have a lot in common and Nora is pretty cool too, so I decided to welcome them both in the harem."

Nora: "HELL yeah, I want some of that cat girl pussy."

Ren: "And Blake and I can enjoy plenty of quiet evenings together reading and drinking tea."

Blake: "Isn't that great guys?

Sun: "..."

Yang: "..."

Ilia: "... Alright, back to the drawing board."


	16. Chapter 16

Drunk Ruby: "Hey-hey Weiss hey,"

Weiss: "What?"

Drunk Ruby: "You know" **hiccup** "What wol be so stupid ish if we make out. Thah wo be so stupid."

Weiss: "Uh yeah, I guess it would be stupid."

Drunk Ruby: "You wanna make out?"

Weiss: "What!?"

Drunk Ruby: "Cum oooooonn," **hiccup** "ish jus be stupid u know."

Weiss: "How much did she drink?"

Yang: "Only half a beer."

Drunk Ruby: "So like... You wanna make out?"

Yang: "Awww my little sister's a light weight."

* * *

Adam: "Ilia, I know you and Blake use to be friends, but I need to know where your loyalties lie before I give you, your next mission."

Ilia: "My loyalties are to the White Fang. If Blake can no longer see the importance of our organization then... I will bring the Faunus peace on her behalf. What's my next assignment?"

Adam: "I need you to spy on Blake until further notice."

Ilia: O_O "Uhhh, okay then." :D

 **Late at night at Beacon with Ilia hiding in the trees looking through Team RWBY's dorm window**

Blake: "Anyone else feel like we're being watched?"

Yang: "Nope, now strip down and park that pussy on my face."

Blake: "Sure thing babe."

Ilia: **masturbates while watching**

* * *

Coco: "I swear it can get exhausting to have Velvet on the team."

Ruby: "What do you mean, what's wrong with her?"

Yatsu: "Its all the time, she needs sex all the time."

Fox: "I'm at my limit."

Ruby: "You all have sex with her?"

Coco: "Yes cause you see, at first it was awesome to have her on the team. First day she told us how bunny faunuses have extremely high sex drives and that they constantly need relief. So when we we're together, I thought I hit the jackpot, but I just couldn't keep up with her."

Yatsu: "Then she was my girlfriend, I thought I could handle her sex drive, but she wore me out in a week."

Ruby: "She wore **YOU** out?"

Coco: "Exactly, that's just how high her sex drive is."

Fox: "Eventually, we had to take shifts pleasing her, but even that got exhausting, so now half the time we just hide from her."

Ruby: "So that's why she eats lunch alone, I thought that was weird."

Velvet: "Cocooooooo, Yatsu, FooooOOOOOoooOx!"

Coco, Yatsu, and Fox: **Run away**

Velvet: "Awww, I thought I heard their voices." **sees Ruby** "Heeeeey Ruby."

Ruby: **gulps**

* * *

Raven: "You shouldn't trust Ozpin."

Yang: "Why?"

Raven: "Because I did and he ended up giving me the ability to turn into a bird."

Yang: "... That doesn't sound like a bad thing, like... At all."

Raven: "Trust me it is, my diet is exclusively bugs otherwise I can't digest anything."

Yang: "Okay, that does sound a little bad."

Raven: "Ozpin also said because I'm part bird, my lifespan even as a human has been cut in half."

Yang: "Yikes."

Raven: "And the worse part is, when I gave birth to you, you came out as an egg."

Yang: "What-I-How!"

Raven: "Don't know, but honestly I wouldn't be surprised if you had the ability to turn into a bird too because of that."

Yang: "Would the RWBY writers even be smart enough to make that ability part of my character?"

Raven: "Doubt it."


	17. Chapter 17

Ruby: "You know Blake, I never thought of you as girlfriend material, but I gotta say its been nice with you since Weiss left me."

Blake: "Couldn't agree more, I was sad when Yang broke up with me, but you're very special to me too."

Ruby: "Alright, you ready to role play?"

Blake: "You know it."

Ruby: "Alright, so tonight, you'll be a cold hearted rich girl and I'll be a the extroverted party girl who makes bad puns."

Blake: "Ruby we always do that. It's fun and sexy, but can't we do anything else?"

Ruby: "Oh yeah, do you have any ideas?"

Blake: "How bout, I play a ditzy ginger android and you wear a strap-on and pretend to be an extroverted goofball with a dick."

Ruby: "OOOOO yeah, that sounds hot."

* * *

Jaune: "Alright guys, after some tinkering, my sword and shield can merge together to make another weapon."

Ruby: "They can, that's awesome, what is it, **WAIT!** Don't tell me, they make an assault rifle."

Jaune: "Nope."

Ruby: "A rocket launcher?"

Jaune: "Even better than a rocket launcher."

Ruby: "BETTER THAN A ROCKET LAUNCHER, oh my god, what is it."

Jaune: "When I combine my sword and shield I get... A bigger sword, pretty cool right?"

Ruby: "... Jaune that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

Jaune: "It is?"

Ruby: "You can't do anything right, can you?"

Jaune: "... Noooooo."

* * *

Sun: "Honey I'm home."

Yang: "Hi dear."

 **Sun and Yang kiss**

Sun: "So how'd your day go."

Yang: "Nice and relaxing, until our cat took a shit on the couch."

Sun: "Again"

Blake: **walks in on all fours wearing sexy lingerie** "Meow."

Sun: "No Blake, that's a bad kitty, bad."

Blake: "Meow."

Sun: "Aw I can't stay mad at you." **p** **ets cat**

Blake: **purrs**

Yang: "Yeah I can't either, hey Blake, you wanna have some fun in the bedroom."

Blake: "MEOW!"

Yang: "Come on Sun, let's have some playtime with our kitty."

* * *

Weiss: "What the, where am I?"

Pyrrha: "Hiiii."

Weiss: "Pyrrha?! What are you doing here, what is this place?"

Pyrrha: "Well there's no way to sugarcoat it, but... Well, you're dead."

Weiss: "But that's not fair, I just regrouped with everyone, how can I be dead?"

Pyrrha: "Sorry, but hey at least we can keep each other company. The only company I have here is Penny and things are still awkward after I... Well, accidently killed her." **Looks down on the fight** "Huh, looks like Jaune is trying real hard to save you."

Weiss: "Yeah I guess he is, maybe I judged him too quickly. I mean he can be a bit annoying at times, but he's still kinda sweet."

Pyrrha: "He is, it might sound selfish, but I can't wait for him to come here, so I can reunite with him. Honestly I was saving myself for him, but then"

Weiss: "Wait what's he doing?"

Jaune **uses healing semblance**

Weiss: "OMG... He's saving my life."

Pyrrha: "What, his semblance was healing this whole time, I wish I had known that before taking on Cinder."

Weiss: **starting to fade away** "You know what, I think I'll give that dork a chance. If anything he's earned it."

Pyrrha: "What? No Weiss you can't."

Weiss: "Not even just a chance, if we all survive this battle, I'm gonna rock his world."

Pyrrha: "Weiss no, please I"

Weiss: "Bye Pyrrha, I'll tell Jaune you said hi... Well, I'll tell him after I take his virginity of course. Cause this bitch is getting laid."

 **Weiss disappears**

Pyrrha: "... Mother fucker!"


	18. Chapter 18

**Volume 3 Ren, wearing a pink apron**

Me: "Okay, it's official. Ren is the hottest guy on this show, but there's no way they could make him any hotter.

 **Volume 4 Ren has long flowing hair**

Me: :O **gasp** "I want to fuck him so badly."

Nora: **appears in the real world out of fucking nowhere** "NOPE!"

Me: "What the, Nora how did you"

Nora: "Stay away from my Ren or else, he's my husbando GOT IT!

Me: :'( "... Can I at least buy a body pillow of him."

Nora: "... Fine."

 **True story**

* * *

Summer: **holding baby Ruby** "You know Qrow, I think you'd make a good father."

Qrow: "Yeah no thanks, the whole parenting thing is not my style."

Summer: "Prove it, if you can hold Ruby for twenty seconds and she doesn't melt your heart I'll give you a hundred lien, but if you lose you have to be a part of her life forever."

Qrow: "Deal, easiest money I've ever made" **Holds baby Ruby** "I mean really, what's so special about..." **gasps**

Baby Ruby: **smiles**

Qrow: "Oh god... My feels... My aching feels, what is happening to me!"

Summer: "Ruby just got herself an uncle."

* * *

Blake: "I'm sorry Yang, I just don't have an attraction to women."

Yang: "Stare at my boobs and say it again."

Blake: "Okay Yang's boobs I don't..." **gets aroused** "aaaahhhh."

Yang: "My boobs can turn any straight chick gay."

Sun: "Oh no you don't, Blake look at my abs."

Blake: **looks at abs** "OOOOOOOOO"

Yang: **Takes off top** "Get a load of these puppies."

Blake "Oh my!"

Sun: "Two can play it that game" **Gets completely naked and flexes.**

Blake: **drools**

Yang: "Not so fast" **G** **ets completely naked and poses**

Blake: **Head explodes due to, too much sexiness**

Yang: "Awwww, she's dead now."

Sun: "Well that sucks, but since we're both naked anyway you wanna do it?"

Yang: "Might as well."

* * *

Cinder: "Say Emerald, that Jaune fellow. Are there any women in his life?"

Emerald: "Well currently he's going out with Pyrrha."

Cinder: "Is that right?"

Emerald: "Yeah and just a while ago he was hitting on Weiss."

Cinder: "The Schnee girl eh."

Emerald: "But a lot of people think him and Ruby will end up together, since they're really close."

Cinder: "Pyrrha, Ruby, and Weiss... It certainly be a shame if someone made those three particular women the target of their aggression." **laughs** **maniacally**


	19. Chapter 19

**Volume 3 fall of Beacon, Neo slowly drifting down from her umbrella**

Neo: "I should be scared for my life, but fuck it I don't know when I'll be able to say this again. I'M MARY POPPINS YALL!"

* * *

Yang: "I just don't understand what's so appealing about Sun."

Blake: "You ever have sex with someone with a tail? Its really hot."

Yang: "If you say so."

 **Later**

Neon: "Hey Yang, you wanted to see me."

Yang: "Yes, well more accurately I wanted to see your tail."

Neon: "My tail?" What about it?"

Yang: "I just wanna see what's so special about them" **Grabs tail** "Blake thinks these are sexy, but"

Neon: "Ahhh" **Pants**

Yang: "What the, are you okay?"

Neon: "No, please don't tug on it. My tail is really sensitive."

Yang: "Really, even if I do this?" **Strokes tail**

Neon: "AAAHHHH" **drops to her hands and knees**

Yang: **naughty thoughts intensify**

* * *

Nora: "So how are things between you and Jaune going?"

Pyrrha: "He still hasn't noticed me. What should I do?"

Nora: "The best way to get a guy to notice you, is to make out with another chick in front of him."

Pyrrha: "What, really? I don't know, I've never done anything so lewd and I don't really find women attractive."

Nora: "Honey its just a kiss, here just give me a quick peck on the cheek to warm yourself up."

Pyrrha: "Well okay," **kisses Nora on the cheek** "... Oh my, that felt... Exciting."

Nora: "Its good right, now I want you to"

Pyrrha: **Kisses Nora on the lips**

Nora: "OH, wow love the enthusiasm girl. I think you're ready for"

Pyrrha: **Tackles Nora and shoves tongue down her throat**

Nora: "Okay slow down babe. I think you"

Pyrrha: "Shut up, this is happening." **Fingers Nora's pussy**

Nora: "Ahhh, don't stop. That feels so good."

Jaune: **walks in** "Hey girls, what's OMG!"

Pyrrha and Nora: "Get the fuck out!"

Jaune: **leaves**

Nora: "Now where were we?"

* * *

Tai: "Hey sweetie, what's you making?"

Yang: "My weapons for when I become a huntress. I call them Ember Celica. It's a shotgun gauntlet, that fires a round every time I punch."

Tai: "Yang, that's more of a danger to you than anyone else."

Yang: "What are you talking about, I'm just extending my arm forward and completely straight in a fast jerking motion, while simultaneously firing a gun with a lot of power behind it."

Tai: "Do you even know what recoil is?"

Yang: "Nope" **fires a round for the first time and snaps her arm** "AAAAAHHHHHH!"


	20. Chapter 20

Oscar: "Another day in paradise."

Yang: "Morning Oscar."

Oscar: "Morning Yang" **stares at boobs and pictures Yang naked**

Ozpin in Oscar's mind: "Honestly can you go one day without these filthy thoughts."

Oscar: "Shut up Ozpin, I lived on a farm my whole life where the only woman there was my aunt and now I'm traveling with several waifus."

Ruby: "Morning Oscar"

Oscar: "Hi Ruby" **Imagines him and Ruby making out**

Ozpin in Oscar's mind: "Damn it Oscar, I knew her mother, have some self control."

Oscar: "That's it, I'm getting an exorcism."

* * *

Tai: "Doc, please tell me my baby girl is going to be okay."

Yang: "Dad I'm sure it's nothing."

Doctor: "Well we've ran some tests and it turns out Miss Xiao Long is actually pregnant."

Yang: "No way, you have to be... Kid... In... Me." :D

Tai: "... You got yourself pregnant on purpose just to make that joke didn't you."

Yang: "Actually no, but wow that pun was golden. Imma go think up some more pregnant puns."

* * *

Sun: "She's mine!"

Yang: "She's mine!"

Sun: "She's mine!"

Yang: "She's mine!"

Kali: "what's going on here?"

Blake: "They're arguing on who gets to fuck me. It's sad really, neither wants to back away after all the time and energy they spent with me."

Kali: "I think I have a solution. Hey Sun, Yang... Whichever one of you doesn't get Blake, gets me."

Sun and Yang: O_O

Sun: "Okay you can have Blake."

Yang: "Fuck that, I want Kali, Blake's yours."

Sun: "No she's yours."

Yang: "She's yours!"

Sun: "She's yours!"

Yang: "She's yours!"

* * *

Ruby: "So wait, you had feelings for Blake?"

Ilia: "Well yes, over the years I fell for her."

Ruby: "How?"

Ilia: "Well, I guess it first happened on our second mission when we were stealing lien from the Schnee Dust company and giving it to homeless Faunus. I then realized"

Ruby: "No I don't mean how you fell in love with her, just how do two women do it?"

Ilia: "What?"

Ruby: "Yeah cause honestly I've never found boys attractive and now that I think about it, I might be into women too I just don't know how that works. How do two women have sex?"

Ilia: "Uh, I mean its all about stimulation so... It's like helping each other masturbate."

Ruby: "Oh I see, so if I do this." **Sticks hand in Ilia's pants and rubs pussy** "This is us having sex?"

Ilia: **Moans** "Ah, yeah that about it, but uh"

Ruby: "Wow, you're really pink. You're pretty when you're horny."

Ilia: "Yeah, my skin" **Moans** "changes color based on my emotions."

Ruby: "Really, what if I do this" **Rubs pussy faster**

Ilia: "AHHH!" **Skin cycles through multiple colors**

Ruby: "Wow, you're like a living rainbow, no wonder you're the first confirmed gay character."

Ilia: "Ruby, please stop I"

Ruby: "Oh no, I wanna see what happens when you cum."


	21. Chapter 21

Cinder: "So you're here to get revenge for Pyrrha. Very well, if you wish to throw your life away I will oblige."

Jaune: "Yeah well, your FACE!"

Jaune's mind: ( **Crap, why did I say that? Don't be intimidated Jaune, just try and imagine her in her underwear)**

Cinder: **wearing lacy bra and panties**

Jaune's mind: **(Oh no she's hot!)**

* * *

 **Ruby and Weiss naked in bed**

Weiss: "You ready to have some fun?"

Ruby: "I guess, but I've never done this before, I'm kinda nervous."

Weiss: "Don't worry, this is my first time too, so we'll take it slow."

Ruby: "Okay, but you have a condom right?"

Weiss: -_- "... Really?"

Ruby: "What! I don't want either of us getting pregnant."

Weiss: "Ruby that's not how"

Ruby: "OMG, what if we both got pregnant at the same time? We'd have to take care of two babies."

Weiss: "You're adorable, you know that?"

* * *

Yang: "Adam, why are you like this, why are you so horrible?"

Adam: "Everything I learned, I learned from my mother. She taught me about strength, she taught me how to fight, and to use my skills to take what I want."

Yang: "Your mother sounds like a horrible person."

Adam: "HEY, my mother is the wisest most fierce warrior of all time. The weak die and the strong live, those are the rules."

Yang: "Wait, what did you say?"

Adam: "An added motto my mother and I live by."

Yang: "... Red and black clothing, red Katana, both wears masks that look like Grimm, both willing to run away at the first sign of danger..." O_O "Is your mom... Raven?"

Adam: "What? HOW DID YOU KNOW MY MOTHER!"

Yang: "Oh god, I could have turned out like you if Raven stayed to raise me. Wow for the first time in my life, I'm glad I was abandoned."

* * *

Weiss: "It's so great you came to visit Klein, I've missed you so much."

Klein: "And I've quite longed for your company as well."

Blake: "You know Klein, you're one of the nicest people I've ever met."

Klein: "Oh stop, you're one of"

Port: "KLEIN!?"

Klein: **turns to see, eyes glow red** "You!"

Port: "You son of a bitch."

Klein: "I'll kill you."

 **old fat guys strangle each other**

Weiss: "Whoa, hey break it up."

Blake: "What's the matter with you two?"

Port: "I'll tell you what's wrong, this son of a bitch walked out on me."

Blake: "Walked... Out on you?"

Klein: "What do you mean, I walked out on you, you walked out on me?"

Weiss: "Did you guys... Use to date?"

Port: "Indeed Miss Schnee, thirty years ago, I was invited out to dinner by this bastard and he stood me up."

Klein: "No! You stood me up, you're the bastard here."

Weiss: "Okay guys, why don't we hear from both sides of the story and try to come to an understanding of what happened."

Klein: "Fine, it was thirty years ago on a Saturday and"

Port: "Whoa now, it was on a Friday and you know it."

Klein: "No I told Amy, to tell you, we were having dinner on Saturday."

Port: "I distinctly remember Amy telling me to report for dinner on a Friday."

Blake: "Wait, who's Amy?"

Port: "Just some woman who had a crush on Klein... Oh my."

Klein: "You mean, all this time..."

Port: "Oh god I feel like such a fool."

Klein: "No I'm the fool, I was so upset you stood me up because... I was going to ask you to marry me."

Port: "You mean it?"

Klein: "Of course, in fact." **gets on one knee** "Peter Pegasus Portland... Will you marry me?"

Port: "OH GAWD YES"

 **Old fat guy make out session**

Weiss: O_O "... Blake I know we should be tolerate of all kinds of love, but"

Blake: "Its okay to find this gross."

Weiss: "Oh thank god."


	22. Chapter 22

Ruby: "Alright team, everyone ready to head out, to Atlas?"

Jaune: "Ready."

Yang: "You know it sis!"

Sun: "Hell yeah, let's go."

Team SSN: "Hey, can we come too?"

Ruby: O_O "... Oh, it's you guys."

Scarlet: "Yeah, we don't get to do anything."

Sage: "I STILL HAVEN'T GOTTEN A LINE OF DIALOGUE!"

Sun: "Hey listen guys, as fun as it would be to have you three around, I don't think we can have you in volume 6."

Neptune: "But that's not fair, I was an established character and this lizard girl just got here."

Ilia: "Hey, I have a deep personal reason to be a part of this group, as someone who longs for Blake's affection."

Yang: "Join the club."

Sun: "Guys the sad truth is, our group is kinda big enough as is, what with team RWBY, Ilia, Oscar, Blake's parents, Qrow, JNR, myself and well... If the writers were to include any of you by now, it be in volume 5. Sorry, but... It just be awkward to throw any of you in now."

Neptune: **sniff** "FINE! I didn't want to save the world anyway!" **storms off**

Sun: "Oh don't be like that."

Sage: "Come on Scarlet, maybe RWBY chibi will accept us."

 **(Just to be clear, I'm not oppose to the boy band reuniting, but I feel like it just be weird to have them involved now given everything that's happened, but hey maybe the writers can write them in without it feeling out of nowhere.)**

* * *

 **Mercury making out with Cinder puppet.**

Mercury: "Oh Cinder puppet, you're so hot."

Cinder puppet: "I think you're hot too, you sexy stud"

 **Mercury and Cinder puppet make out more**

Cinder: "What the hell are you doing?"

Mercury: "AH! Cinder, it's not what it looks like."

Cinder: "Oh Merc, if you wanted some female company... You should have told me." **Plants a kiss on Mercury** "How's about you meet me in my room and we have some fun."

Mercury: "... Better idea, how about the three of us have some fun together?"

Cinder: "What!"

Mercury: "What do you think Cinder puppet?"

Cinder puppet: "WOOOOO Threesome!"

Cinder: "Forget I said anything, go fuck your stupid puppet."

Mercury: "Tch, what a prude."

Cinder puppet: "I know right, now give me some more sugar baby."

* * *

Ruby: "Huh, Roman's actually a pretty cool guy once you get to know him."

Yang: "I guess, but he's kind of inappropriate."

Roman **talking to Jaune** : "Yeah and then 17 years ago, I knew this prostitute, real lovely lady."

Jaune: "Um, okay Mr Torchwick."

Roman: "No, you don't understand boy, she had rockin tits and beautiful aqua eyes, or maybe they were jade... I don't know, but man I miss my ol girl Candy."

Nora: **appears** "Did someone say candy?"

Jaune: "Uh, no just Roman talking about a very special lady he knew named Candy."

Nora: "What a coincidence, my mom's nickname was Candy."

Ruby: "Wait what?"

Nora: "Yeah, that was the name her daddy gave her when she was on the clock."

Yang: "On the... Clock?"

Roman: "Wait... Was your mom a prostitute?"

Nora: "Oh yeah, it was the only way she could get money for us."

Ruby: "What about your dad?"

Nora: "Well I never knew my father, but before my mom died she was pretty sure it was this well dressed orange haired con..." O_O "... Man?"

Roman: O_O

Nora: "... Dad?"

Roman: "... Well... It was certainly nice knowing you kids, but um... Yeah, goodbye." **Runs off**


	23. Chapter 23

Blake: "Alright guys, you ready for some fun?"

Yang: "Oh yeah, I got enough stamina for the both of you."

Sun: "Ditto for me."

Blake: "Good, cause we're not stopping until I'm satisfied."

 **14 hours later**

Yang and Sun: **Panting**

Blake: "Alright, who's ready for another round?"

Yang and Sun: "WHAT!?"

Yang: "Blake we've been doing this all night."

Sun: "Can't we like, cuddle or something?"

Blake: "Oh no, I'm not done with either of you yet."

Sun: "I'm starting to see why Ghira is so big."

 **6 hours later**

Sun: **Crawling away** "Can't... keep... Going."

Blake: **Grabs his tail and pulls him back** "Oh no, where do you think you're going?"

 **4 hours later**

Blake: "Phew, that was a good lay. How are you two holding up?"

Yang: "I can't move."

Sun: "I think I'm completely out of semen."

Blake: "Yeah, we should probably get some sleep. Good night my lovelies."

* * *

Zwei: "Bark Bark!"

Jaune: "What's that my fateful companion?"

Zwei: "Bark Bark!"

Jaune: "Crime is a foot! This looks like a job for the Hunts-MAN and Wonder"

Ruby: "JAUNE!"

Jaune: "AH!"

Ruby: "Stop taking **MY** dog out on your silly adventures."

Jaune: "What, ah come on Ruby he's my sidekick."

Ruby: "No Jaune, he belongs to me and Yang, Blake's afraid of him, and Weiss find's him adorable. You've literally spent no time with him in the canon series yet you spend more time with him in Chibi than I do. Hell its my dog and **YOUR** team got to do the Scooby Doo skit, that's bullshit."

Jaune: "Yeah, but"

Ruby: "No, shut up and get your own pet."

* * *

Salem: "What the hell happened back there?"

Hazel: "The mission... Went south."

Salem: "It's bad enough we didn't get the relic from Beacon, but now you're telling me we don't have the relic in Haven or the spring maiden?"

Emerald: "And" **sniff** "Cinder's dead."

Salem: "My gods you people royally fucked up."

Cinder: "Wa-aa-it" **Bloody injured Cinder limps in** "I'm still... Alive."

Emerald: "CINDER!"

Salem: "Oh you're alive huh, well guess what, you're fired."

Cinder: "What? But but"

Salem: "You've failed me twice and I won't tolerate failure from you any longer."

Cinder: "Yeah well, I'm the Fall maiden, you need me."

Salem: "No, what I need is Neo. Now she's a lady who can get things done."

Cinder: "Neo hasn't even been seen since volume 3."

Salem: "She's still leagues more superior than you."

Cinder: "Oh yeah, then let me prove it. If I kill Neo, will you give me a second chance?"

Salem: "Will it be on your mind indefinitely?"

Cinder: "Of course, I won't rest until that stupid little ice cream bitch ble"

Salem: **Kills Cinder**

Emerald: "OH MY GOD!"

Salem: "Hazel sweetie, do me a favor and find Neo... Or you're next."

Mercury: "Heh, finding Neo, now that's a story I'd love to see."

* * *

Sun: "Hey Blake, can I be a loyal and supportive friend who cares about your well being while also being lovably silly?"

Blake: "Sure, but I'm also going to be distant with you."

Audience: "BOO! Sun is a shitty character, why do they even have him in the show, Sun should fucking die already."

Yang: "Hey Blake, can I be a loyal and supportive friend who cares about your well being while also being lovably silly?"

Blake: "Sure, but I'm also going to be distant with you."

Audience: "OMG this is the absolute greatest romance of all time, Bumbleby for life. They're absolutely perfect for each other."

 **(PS I don't care what your reasons are for thinking Sun's not okay, but Yang is. You're not gonna convince me you're not just being hateful towards a guy who's only crime was being nice to a girl you ship with someone else)**


	24. Chapter 24

Ruby: "So wait, this guy hates you, but he's your best friend anyway?"

Caboose: "Oh yes, Church acts like he doesn't like me and that I annoy him like **ALLLLL** the time, but just cause he can't stand to be around me or tolerate me at all doesn't mean we're not best friends."

Ruby: "Huh, I have no idea what that's like."

Weiss: "RUBY!"

Ruby: "Hey Weiss."

Weiss: "Where the hell have you been and who is this?"

Caboose: "My name is Caboose."

Ruby: "Yeah, he's super cool and"

Weiss: "Ruby, didn't anyone tell you not to talk to strangers, especially ones who wear scaring looking military armor like that?"

Ruby: "Oh Weiss, you worry too much, he's nice."

Weiss: "GAW you're so immature, I can't believe someone as childish as you is our leader." **storms off**

Caboose: "... She seems nice."

Ruby: "I know right, her and I are total best friends."

Caboose: "Well yeah, I can tell."

* * *

Mercury: "So Em, when are we gonna stop beating around the bush? I'm hot, you're hot, so let's do something about."

Emerald: "Yeah no, my heart belongs to someone else."

 **hours later**

Emerald: "HI CINDER! So I was thinking maybe you and I can like, you know hang out or whatever."

Cinder: "Sorry, but you're not worthy of my affection. There is only one deserving of me."

 **hours later**

Cinder: "My Queen, won't you please pardon me with your time. I give myself to you mind body and soul, as you are the most beautiful entity in the world."

Salem: "I appreciate the kind words my minion, but I have no interest in you as a lover. There is only one soul, I wish to mate with."

 **hours later**

Mercury: "This sucks, Neo is with Roman, Emerald isn't interested and Cinder's a bitch. How the hell am I suppose to lose my virginity."

Salem: **sneaks up from behind** "A virgin huh."

Mercury: "AH!"

Salem: "Oh I like them pure."

Mercury: "Uhhhh, Miss um... Salem? What are you"

Salem: "Listen boy, this can either be passionate love making... Or a rape. The choice is yours, either way... I'm taking that virginity."

* * *

Weiss: "Hey Jaune, I really appreciate you saving my life and all."

Jaune: "Oh uh, no problem."

Weiss: "I know I can come off as kinda hostile sometimes and despite everything you still care for me sooooo... Do you maybe wanna"

Neptune: "Weiss... Is that you?"

Weiss: "OMG NEPTUNE!"

Jaune: "Uh, Weiss you were saying?"

Neptune: "I can't believe you're here. It's so great to see you."

Weiss: "It's great to see you too."

Jaune: **exhales** "Yeah, it's um... Great to see you Neptune." **starts to leave**

Neptune: "Listen, I know things ended badly between us, but I'd like to make it up to you, how bout I take you out to dinner and we can talk it over."

Weiss: "... Yeah no."

Neptune and Jaune: "What?"

Weiss: "Neptune, you flirted with a bunch of women in front of me. In front of everyone in the tournament."

Neptune: "Yeah, but come on. I was just having fun."

Weiss: "Look, it's nice to see you and everything, but I can't trust you anymore."

Neptune: "Oh really and who are you gonna be shipped with, Jaune?"

Weiss: "Actually yes."

Neptune and Jaune: "What!"

Weiss: **grabs Jaune's arm** "Yep, he's my boyfriend now."

Neptune: "... Heh, well congratulations Arc. Treat her right for me." **leaves**

Jaune: "Uhhhhh,"

Weiss: "Come on Jaune, how about we hang out. Just the two of us."

Jaune: "Uh, yeah certainly milady."

Weiss: **blushes**

* * *

 **How RWBY should end**

Blake: "Yang I'm sorry, I do love you, but my heart belongs to Sun. He's my soulmate."

Yang: "I understand, in all honesty you two make a great couple and I wouldn't want to come between you two."

Sun: "Hey I don't mind if you come between us in the bedroom, we can make a sexy sandwich."

Blake and Yang: O_O

Sun's thoughts **Crap, why the hell did I say that! That was so inappropriate. Damn it I am so fucking stupid.**

Yang: "... I could be open to that."

Blake: "Yeah that actually sounds delightful."

Sun: "Wait, what?"

Yang: "Yeah I mean, even I have to admit you're kinda hot Sun."

Blake: "And you both mean so much to me. Are you okay with having two girlfriends Sun?"

Sun: "Uhhh, YEAH I'm okay with it! Er I mean, yeah sure the more the merrier."


	25. Chapter 25

**If Ruby Rose was sent to the undergorund, RWBY Undertale crossover**

Ruby: **Falls into the mountain into the underground** "Oof, Whoa where am I?"

Flowey: "Howdy child."

Ruby: "Whoa a talking flower, that's so cool."

Flowey: "You wanna know what else is cool" **emerges multiple deadly pellets** "These friendliness pellets."

Ruby: "Friendliness pellets, that sounds awesome."

Flowey: "It is, catch as many as you can."

Ruby: "Okay, OW! What the hell, that hurt."

Flowey: "HA! Down here its a kill or whoa what are"

Ruby: **takes out crescent rose** "Die you little bitch!" **attacks Flowey**

Flowey: **goes underground**

Ruby: "Damn it he got away from me."

Toriel: "Hello small child, my name is"

Ruby: "OOOOO a goat monster."

Toriel: "Sweetie, you should know"

Ruby: "DIE!" **kills Toriel**

Toriel: "AAAAHHH" **dies**

Ruby: "A killer flower and a goat monster, I wonder what else I can kill here."

* * *

Weiss: "Ruby, I don't get it. I'm two years older than you, how are your boobs bigger than mine/'

Ruby: "Simple answer Weiss, I... Drink, milk."

Weiss: "... Excuse me."

 **Two hours later**

Yang: "So anyways," **walks in dorm** "I was thinking OH MY GAWD, Weiss!"

Weiss: **Mouth and body covered in milk with several empty milk jugs scattered across the dorm** "DON'T JUDGE ME!" **cries then starts to chug another jug of milk**

* * *

Ruby: "Yoohoo, are there any monsters in here."

Sans: "Hey kid."

Ruby: "OOOOO, you're that skeleton guy that mysteriously disappeared."

Sans: "Yep and I want to talk to you about love, or in other words, level of"

Ruby: "DIE!" **Swings crescent rose**

Sans: **dodges** "Whoa, are you insane?"

Ruby: "I'm not insane, I'm just a teenager who's obsessed with weapons and killing things."

Sans: "... Yeah I'm pretty sure you got problems."

* * *

Adam: "I don't get it, Blake left me for an idiot like you, how is that even possible?"

Sun: "Maybe because I'm nice to her, I help her whenever I can instead of guilt tripping her onto my side, or maybe its because I never fucking stabbed her."

Adam: "Naw, that can't be it. Clearly there's something wrong with Blake."

Sun: **rolls eyes** "Yeah clearly."

Adam: "I just don't want to be alone."

Sun: "Well is there anyone else you know that's um... Edgy and sadistic and crazy?"

Adam: **thinks**

 **Two weeks later**

Cinder: "You know Adam, I never knew how sexy you can be."

Adam: "I can't believe it took me this long to figure out how sexy you are."

Cinder: "You ready for some fun."

Adam: "You know it." **takes off mask**

Cinder: "Oh gawd."

Adam: "What?"

Cinder: "I'm sorry, but you are just crazy ugly. Can you put the mask back on, cause I don't think I can do this with that face."

Adam: "Fine." **Puts mask back on**

Cinder: "Okay, I can get into this, the mask is kinda kinky now that I think about it."

Adam: "If you wanna talk about kinky, how's about you wear these." **holds cat ears**

Cinder: "Are you fucking serious?"

Adam: "What? You're a disgusting human, how else am I suppose to fuck you?"

Cinder: "That I can understand, but why cat ears specifically?"

Adam: O_O "... Uhhhhhhhh?"

* * *

Chara: "Hello Ruby Rose."

Ruby: **gasps** "OMG!"

Chara: "Thank you for killing everyone in the underground I"

Ruby: "You are just so cute, aw look at those stubby little legs."

Chara: "What, my legs aren't stubby."

Ruby: "AAAAHHH I just want to squeeze you until you pop." **Tackle hugs Chara**

Chara: "HEY! Let go of me," **struggles** "I am not cute, I am the lord of darkness!"

 **(A/N lol, I recently got into undertale and I had to write about it)**


	26. Chapter 26

Ruby: "Guys, we can't do this without Yang. Otherwise we're three pieces of an incomplete puzzle."

Weiss: "What are you on about?"

Ruby: "Yang's the muscle and all great teams need all four main roles and we fill all of them. Yang's the muscle, Blake's the looks, and Weiss is the brains."

Blake: "The looks? Why am I the looks?"

Ruby: "Because everyone wants to fuck you." **cough cough** "including me" **cough cough**

Blake: "Well which role are you?"

Ruby: "I'm the wildcard."

Weiss: "... Yeah, that makes sense."

Ruby: "I'm telling you, you can find the classic A-Team dynamic in everything. Scooby doo, Ninja Turtles, the Fantastic Four, Ghostbusters, all use this same dynamic."

Blake: What about JNPR?"

Ruby: "Ren's the looks, Nora's the wildcard, Jaune's the brains, and Pyrrha's the muscle."

Weiss: "Team CVFY?"

Ruby: "Velvet's the looks, Fox is the wildcard, Coco's the brains, and Yatsu is the muscle."

Blake: "What about our enemies?"

Ruby: "Emerald is the looks, Adam's the wildcard, Cinder's the brains, and Mercury is the muscle."

Weiss: "Huh, I guess it is in everything."

* * *

Yang: "Holy crap, a miniature version of me. Hi mini me, how's it going?"

Chibi Yang: "I'm Yang, let's fight." **punches bigger Yang's leg**

Yang: "AAAHHHHH!"

* * *

Whitley: "Well, well... Well, look who's back."

Weiss: "Shut up Whitley, I'm here for official business."

Ruby: "Oh my god Weiss, is this your brother?"

Whitley: "My, my who's this lovely lady?"

Ruby: "My name's Ruby, it's nice to meet you."

Whitley: "A pleasure to make your acquaintance." **kisses Ruby's hand**

Ruby: "Eeeehhh."

Weiss: **Punches Whitley** "Stay away from my woman you little bitch!"

* * *

Tai: "Hey babe, how you holding up?"

Summer: "Lousy. Still can't believe he's gone. He was my best friend for years."

Tai: "Yes, Kai was a great dog, but you'll be happy to know just before he passed away, he had relations with another dog."

Summer: "He did?"

Tai: "Yep," **pulls out corgi puppy** "Meet one of Kai's pups, Zwei."

Summer: "OMG he's so adorable."

Tai: "He sure is."

Summer: "Thanks Tai, you're the best."


	27. Chapter 27

**Team CFVY on an adventure**

Velvet: "MMMmmm, Coco you're a really good cook. What's in this stew anyway?"

Coco: "Oh its nothing special, just what I could find in the area. Some potatoes, carrots, and a raaaAAAAAAAAA-"

Velvet: O_O

Coco: "... Bit."

Velvet: "... I'm delicious."

* * *

Ozpin: "Raven, great job on your latest mission. The intel you've secured will go a long way to stopping Salem."

Raven: "Yeah I've been meaning to ask, what's the deal between you two?"

Ozpin: "Simple answer, she wants to destroy all life and I want to save it."

Raven: "Yeah but... I don't know, the way you use people... It just makes me feel uncomfortable around you."

Ozpin: "My dear, I don't use people. There's always going to be casualties in war, my job is to save as many lives as possible."

Raven: "Yeah but what about"

Ozpin: "AAHHH!"

Raven: "Professor?"

Ozpin: **changes** "What-WHERE AM I, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE!"

Raven: "Uhhhhh?"

Ozpin: "Oh god Miss, you have to help me, my name's Wesley and Ozpin is fucking insane!"

Raven: "Whoa, slow down. What's happening?"

Wesley: "Okay years ago Ozpin transferred his soul into my body, at first he was just some ghost in my head and he made it seem like we were gonna be partners, but then he completely took over and I haven't been let out in over a decade."

Raven: "I don't understand."

Wesley: "AHHHHH, I feel him fighting back. Just listen, you have to tell everyone. Ozpin can't be trusted, Salem's not trying to destroy all life. Both her and Oz want to rule it, he's only using you people so when Salem dies, he won't have any competition for when he takes over!"

Raven: "Oh my god."

Wesley: "GO! Run now, tell everybody Ozpin's plan before its too AAAAHHHHHH!" **faints**

Raven: "Wesley, are you okay, WESLEY!"

Ozpin: **gets up** "... Sorry, but Wesley won't be joining us anymore."

Raven: "Uhhhh?"

Ozpin: "Raven, let's talk about what you just saw."

* * *

Salem: "So... Ruby... Rose, so nice to finally meet you."

Ruby: "Nice to meet you too, so you're that Salad chick right?"

Salem: "... I am lord Salem, yes."

Ruby: "Awesome, Imma deck you in the snaz."

Salem: "... I'm sorry that's a new one, any other forms banter you wish to throw at me before we fight?"

Ruby: "YES! Justice will be swift... Justice will be painful... It will be DELICIOUS!"

Salem: "Delicious?"

RWBY: "YEEAAH!"


	28. Chapter 28

**Team RNJR traveling to Haven academy**

Jaune: "Alright guys, Haven should be right... What the?"

Ruby: "But... There's nothing here."

Jaune: "Lemme see the map," **looks at map** "I don't get it, the map says 10,000 miles east."

Nora: "Oh east? I thought you said weast."

Jaune: "Weast? What the hell kind of direction is that?"

Nora: **pulls out compass** "Yeah weast, you know the little w on the compass. 10,000 miles weast."

Ruby, Ren, and Jaune: **utterly shocked**

Jaune: "That's WEST Nora!"

* * *

Weiss: "Dad, I have news for you. I'm gay and am currently dating a woman.

Blake: "Hello Mr Schnee, you can call me Blake Belladonna."

Weiss: "Well dad, bet you wanna disown me now huh. "

Jacques: "Not at all, I am not against same sex relationships. I myself have engaged in sexual experimentation with other males on more than one occasion."

Weiss: "Eh... Okay then, well what if I told you she's a Faunus."

Blake: **removes bow**

Jacques: "That is also completely acceptable, the Faunus are a respectable people and I wish to provide them with as much employment as possible."

Weiss: "Uhhhh... Well she's also an ex White Fang member."

Jacques: "Ex member, that means she recognized their self destructive ways. I applaud you Miss Belladonna."

Weiss: "Okay, this is hopeless. Blake you wanna get some pizza?"

Blake: "Sure, as long as we can get pineapple."

Jacques: "WHAT! YOU EAT PIZZA WITH PINEAPPLE!?"

Weiss: "Calm down dad, I thought it was gross too until Blake made me try it and"

Jacques: "What! You mean... Weiss please tell me you spat it out right away."

Weiss: "Well no I actually like it now."

Jacques: "... Get out of my house."

Weiss: "Are... Are you being serious right now?"

Jacques: "GET OUT NOW, I have no daughter anymore!"

* * *

 **8 year old Ruby dressed as a strawberry and 10 year old Yang dressed as a dragon on Halloween**

Ruby and Yang: "Trick or treat."

Man at the door: "Yeah I don't have any candy, so get lost."

Qrow: "Hey man, you don't have to be a dick, let's go girls."

Man at the door: "OH, I'm a dick? Year after year, I'm expected to give free candy cause you spent five bucks on your child's shitty costume. Fuck you." **slams door**

Ruby: "He was mean."

Tai: "Come on, let's"

Qrow: "Tai, watch the girls." **walks to the side of the house**

Tai: "What? Qrow, what are you doing?"

Qrow: "Just watch em." **hops over fence**

Tai: "Qrow NO! Ugh!"

 **The family overhears**

Qrow: "Hey buddy!"

Man: "Whoa what the!?"

Qrow: "Get over here"

 ***rustle noises***

Man: "Gah... Let go of me!"

Qrow: "Let's take a look in your kitchen."

 **few seconds later, Qrow and the man appear back at the front door holding a small plate of cookies.**

Qrow: "Seems someone has a sweet tooth."

Ruby: "What are those."

Qrow: "They're cookies Ruby, go on take one."

Man: "Yeah uhhhhh, take one."

Ruby and Yang take a cookie. Yang immediately bites into it while Ruby sniffs it.

Qrow: "You see, was that so hard." **Grabs man by the collar** "And we're coming back to this house every year, so you better have candy."

Ruby: **takes a bite of her first cookie ever. *squeals*** "AAAHHHH, so yummy!"

Qrow: "... On second thought, every year you buy candy and bake a fresh batch of cookies. GOT IT!"

Man: "Yeah dude, whatever you say."

Qrow: "Great, let's go girls."

Tai: "You're unbelievable, you know that."

Ruby: **hugs Qrow** "Thanks uncle Qrow! I love you."

Qrow: "Aw, look at that. What a wonderful childhood memory for your daughter."

Tai: "You're still a douche."

 **(a/n hi, just wanna say I probably won't update until after volume 6 for more ideas)**


	29. Chapter 29

Ozpin: "Qrow, I simply can not do this."

Qrow: "Oh this can not just be for the job. The first chance you had to drop this gig, you tried to hand it off to Raven. RAVEN! She doesn't even look after her own kid. I look after her kid more than she does."

* * *

Yang: "Hey Blake, heard you and Sun got rough last night. Nice!"

Blake: "Yeah, we did it kitty style."

Yang: "... Uh, don't you mean doggy style"

Sun covered in scratches across his face and abs: "No, she means kitty style."

Yang: "Oh god, am I ever thankful she chose you."

* * *

Ozpin(through Oscar): "Thus the spirit resting inside the relic of knowledge will only answer three questions every hundred years."

Ruby: "What, why? Knowledge on literally anything every hundred years? Why so limited?"

Ozpin: "Well the spirit use to answer an unlimited amount of questions, until a certain little girl got a hold of it."

 **25 years ago**

Summer: "So you know everything?"

Jinh: "Yes."

Summer: "Really?"

Jinh: "Yes."

Summer: "Are you sure?"

Jinh: "Quite sure."

Summer: "How can you be so sure?"

Jinh: "I just am, alright."

Summer: "What's my biggest fear?"

Jinh: "Globophobia, the fear of balloons or balloon popping noises."

Summer: "What's my favorite food?"

Jinh: "Hard boiled eggs dipped in chocolate pudding."

Summer: "What color is my underwear?"

Jinh: "Lime green."

Summer: "Why am I asking so many questions?"

Jinh: "Because you're stupid."

 **Present day**

Ozpin: "Needless to say, the spirit isn't in the best mood to answer any questions."

* * *

Jinh: **emerges** "Heeeeelloooo my name is" **sees Ruby** "Oh hell no, I'm not dealing with you again."

Ruby: "What? What do you mean again?"

Jinh: "Oh no, I'm not answering anymore of **YOUR** questions, goodbye!" **goes back into lamp**

Ruby: "...Guys...What just happened?"

Oscar: "All I can hear is Ozpin laughing his ass off."


	30. Chapter 30

**Everyone's response to a question.**

 **"Wanna have sex?"**

Weiss "Please, I can get someone hotter than you."

Yang "Sure, but if you cum too early, I'm gonna make you regret it."

Blake "Get in line."

Ruby "What's... Sex?"

Pyrrha "Oh... I uh, I'm sorry."

Ren "I am currently not interested in partaking in intercourse with you, but I am flattered by your request and wish you the best in your sexual exploration."

Nora "I'll get the whips and chains."

Jaune "What-well I uh, YEAH! I'd love to have sex with you."

Mercury "Fine, I'll throw you a pity fuck, but you owe me."

Emerald "Yeah, I'm saving myself for my Cinder senpai and I know she only has eyes for me."

Cinder "Strip, now and for now on, you will refer to me as mistress, both inside and outside the bedroom."

Neo **is already naked, covered in whip cream, holding a sign that says, Lick this sundae up clean.**

Roman "I'd be delighted, now get sucking."

Ilia "Oh my, that is deeply flattering. Okay, but please be gentle, I've never done this before."

Sienna "You're not worthy of my pussy."

Qrow "Not even if I was sober."

Raven "Only if you beat me in combat."

Winter "Depends, how much alcohol do you consume?"

Ironwood "My penis isn't even real, it's vibrator. If you're okay with that, then I will gladly pleasure you."

Reese "I only do anal."

Penny "I am sexually ready."

Ciel "Fine, but I only do quickies."

Sun "I thought you'd never ask. Dick, tail, or both?"

Neptune "Oh yeah... I'm... Totally ready for sex, hehehe."

Velvet "Only if I can film it."

Port " Hohooooo, I'm going to give you the fucking of a lifetime."

Oobleck "IWILLPROVIDEYOUWITHANINTENSEPLEASINGORGASMIN2.2SECONDSFLAT!"

Salem "If you don't satisfy me, I will kill you."


	31. Chapter 31

**Everyone answers to one question**

 **"Do you masturbate and how often?"**

Weiss: "WHAT? How dare you ask me that you sick pervert!"

Blake: "Not as much as I use to, you try finding the privacy in our dorm."

Yang: "Yeah I don't need to masturbate if you know what I'm saying."

Ruby: "I uhhhh, did it once and um... Yeah can we move on." ***blushes* *squeaks nervously***

Ren: "I do not partake in that activity."

Pyrrha: "What? Oh my, I uhhhhh" ***blushes***

Nora: "Well I don't do it, but I love scaring the shit out of Jaune every time he's about to."

Jaune: "I don't do it anymore, every time I, uh, get busy Nora pops out of nowhere and screams at me. How does she always know when I'm about to do it?"

Mercury: "Quite a bit, I mean have you seen what Cinder and Emerald walk around in everyday? I gotta share a room with those cock teases."

Cinder Puppet: "And I help."

Emerald: "That is no business of yours. No self respecting woman would talk about something like that."

Cinder: "Only once a night when everyone else is asleep."

Roman: "I don't masturbate myself, but Neo likes it when I watch her do it."

Neo: **holding up a sign, I only masturbate everyday, sex every night**

Oscar: "Ever since Ozpin moved into my head, I can't do it."

Ilia: "Only when I think about Blake... I MEAN NO! I never masturbate."


	32. Chapter 32

**Everyone's response to a question.**

 **"Who's your waifu or husbando?"**

Weiss: "Neptune was cute, but he's a jerkface soooooo I guess I don't have one."

Blake: "No matter what I say, people will riot."

Yang: "I'll fuck anyone."

Ruby: "Um, I don't know. I just like to have friends."

Sun: "Let's just say I really like pussy."

Neptune: "I like, have so many waifus. It would take too long to list them."

Nora: "Ren is my husbando and if any bitches yall bitches so much eye up my man. Let's just say no one will find your body."

Ren: "Nora, gingers are sexy."

Emerald: "Cinder Senpai."

Cinder: "I like Mercury."

Mercury: "My girlfriend is Cinder Puppet."

Cinder Puppet: "Mercury's cute, but I wanna fuck Emerald."

Roman: "My little Neo, we make the perfect couple."

Neo: **holding up a sign, Roman's cute, but I cheat on him regularly**

Sienna: "Adam, he's the one man I can trust. He'd never stab me in the back."

Ilia: "Blake...But...Weiss is kinda cute too...And Ruby...And Yang. OH GAWD WHY COULDN'T I BE A PART OF TEAM RWBY!"

Tyrian: "My queen Salem, she is the ultimate picture of beauty."

* * *

 **A/N Are there any questions yall wanna ask the RWBY characters that my stupid brain can come up answers for?**


	33. Chapter 33

Jaune: "Excuse me, are you Yang's father?"

Taiyang: "Why yes I am, can I help you?"

Jaune: "Okay look, Yang's a good girl and all, but I need your help because... She says she's gonna kick my butt."

Yang: "Dad" **appears from the side** "What are you doing?"

Taiyang: "Uh, nothing sweetie."

Yang: "What did I tell you about talking to strangers?"

Taiyang: **leans towards Jaune** "Now she's gonna kick my but!"

* * *

Blake: "Sun... there's no easy way to say this, but... I've been cheating on you."

Sun: "WHAT! Who is he, Imma ring his neck!"

Blake: "Well it's not a he, it's a girl."

Sun: "...Oh?" **is strangely ok with it** "I didn't realize you were into that."

Blake: "Yeah, I'm bi and I've been cheating on you with Yang."

Sun: "Holy shit!" **imagining the blonde with huge tits fucking the sexy cat girl** "That's uh... Wow!" **small nosebleed**

Blake: "But listen, I love you Sun and I don't want to lose you. You're really important to me so... Well I've been talking to Yang and she wanted me to ask if the three of us could be a couple."

Sun" "GAAAAAAAAAHH!" **intense nosebleed**

Blake: "Oh my god, are you okay! Do you need a doctor?"

Sun: "This is by far the best day of my life."

* * *

Ruby: "Coco, why do you slap your teammates' butts?"

Coco: "It's a sign of comradery."

Ruby: "It is?"

Coco: "Oh yeah, as leader my job is to give constant praise to my teammates so they continue to do a good job. HEY YATSU!"

Yatsu: **at a distance** "WHAT!"

Coco: "Get yer 2 ton ass over here."

Yatsu: **arrives** "Coco please, I'm trying"

Coco: **slaps Yatsu's ass** "That's for letting me watch you shower."

Yatsu: "Er" **gets embarrassed and leaves**

Ruby: "He didn't look like he enjoyed that."

Coco: "Trust me, it's a compliment. They all love it, HEY VELVET!"

Velvet: **Arrives covering her butt** "Coco please, my butt's too bruised for another slap."

Coco: "Well here's a compromise." **Motorboats Velvet's boobs**

Velvet: "AAAHH, COCO! That's so embarrassing." **blushes then leaves**

Coco: "I tell ya Rubes, there ain't nothing like being a leader."

 **Two cops arrive**

Cop 1: "Are you Miss Adel?"

Coco: "Uhhh... Yes?"

Cop 2: "Well Miss Adel, you're under arrest for multiple accounts of sexual assault."


	34. Chapter 34

**Hi bringing back the OC Bleu Greann from the Greannrose story cause the author is awesome**

Bleu: **falls asleep in class and dreams of a sexy Ruby**

Dream Ruby: "Heeeeey sweetie."

Bleu: "OH! Ruby, it's so great to see you."

Dream Ruby: "Would you like to see these?" **Shows boobs**

Bleu: "Oh wow, they look nice. Thank you."

Dream Ruby: "I call them my Bleubys."

Bleu: "That's...Weird."

Dream Ruby: "Would you like to touch em?"

Bleu: "Uh ok." **fondles boobs**

Dream Ruby: "Mmmm what are you doing to me?"

Bleu: "What...I'm just doing what you said."

Dream Ruby: "Bleu what are you doing to me?"

 **Back in reality, class ended and Glynda standing before a sleepy Bleu who is fondling her boobs.**

Glynda: "Bleu! What are you doing?"

Bleu: **mumbles while sleep fondling Glynda's boobs**

Glynda: "Bleeeeuuuuu...Five more minutes of this and I'm gonna get mad."

Bleu: **still mumbles while asleep**

Glynda: "Not my fault this is happening."

* * *

Yang: **naked** "So you boys ready to do this?"

Neptune: "Hell yeah I am."

Sage: "Let's do it."

 **Sage and Neptune pull out their dicks**

Yang: "WHOA! Sage, you gotta big one."

Sage: "Thanks baby."

Neptune: "Mine's pretty big too, it's just... You know it's cold in here."

Yang and Sage: "No it's not."

Neptune: "Yeah its not."

* * *

 **First time Ozpin spoke to Jinn**

Jinn: "Hello, my name is Jinn and I will permit you three questions. After that, I will be sealed away for one hundred years."

Ozpin: "Only three?"

Jinn: "Yes three, now you only have two."

Ozpin: "Two, wait that last one didn't count did it?"

Jinn: "It did, one question left."

Ozpin: "Shit, why is this so hard?"

Jinn: "Because generalized spe-"

Ozpin: "NO WAIT, I take that back!"

Jinn: "Sorry, next time be careful how you speak."

 **goes back into lamp**

Ozpin: "FUUUUUUUUUU"


	35. Chapter 35

**Ok so I'm pretty sure the alligator faunus is named Tok, or at least that seems to be the name that's circling the internet and the Grimm Reaper is named Maria. Regardless this is based off of the fight scene these two had in volume 6 episode 7**

Tok: Ello luv, I've come for your eyes."

Maria: "Another common bounty hunter I see."

Tok: "Hey! I'm an exceptional bounty hunter I is. Though occasionally I turn a trick or two."

Maria: "Wait... You're a prostitute?"

Tok: "Oh yeah, I give incre-ible blow jobs." **Smiles with sharp teeth**

Maria: "Welp, that's a mental image I'll never get out of my head."

 **Present day**

Weiss: "Or mine, did you have to include that moment in your story?"

Old Maria: "Yes, because if I have to live with that scarring image for the rest of my life then the rest of you have to, too."

* * *

Pyrrha: "It's so great to meet you Saffron."

Saffron: "Indeed, I'm glad a tragic event hasn't prevented this meet up from happening."

Jaune: "Tragic? Tragic how?"

Saffron: "Oh nothing."

Pyrrha: "Yes, well... How is married life treating you?"

Saffron: "So good and ever since my wife and I chose to adopt, our lives have never felt more complete. Are you two ever planning on having children."

Jaune: **spits** "Eh... Sis, its a bit early to be discussing th"

Pyrrha: "Yes."

Jaune: "Eh what?"

Saffron: "OOOOO how delightful, how many were you planning on having?"

Jaune: "Pyrrha we're not even married yet and you already."

Pyrrha: "We're having twelve."

Jaune: "TWELVE!"

Saffron: "Awww, you're gonna have a big family like we did, when we were kids."

Jaune: "Pyrrha, we haven't even graduated yet, we can't just"

Pyrrha: "Jaune!"

Jaune: "Uhhhh?"

Pyrrha: "We're having twelve kids, end of discussion."

Jaune: "... Okay."

* * *

 **Beacon lunchroom**

Weiss: "I swear Yang if you tell anyone"

Yang: "Weiss, it's just a little crush, nothing to be embarrassed about."

Weiss: "It's just... I've never felt this way about a boy and... Well usually the boys ask the girls to the dance, but I have no idea how to get him to ask me."

Yang: "Well, then ask him out yourself."

Weiss: "What!? I can't do that."

Yang: "Sure you can, HEY NEPTUNE!"

Weiss: "Yang!"

Neptune: **walks over** "Hello ladies, can I help either of you with something."

Yang: "Yes well, Weiss wanted to know if you had a da-ARGG" **choking on extra long hot dog**

Weiss: **shoving hot dog in Yang's mouth** "If you have aaaaaa daughter? Yeah, cause I heard some rumors that you got a Mistral girl pregnant a year ago."

Neptune: "Is that so, well I can safely say I do not have a daughter or any children."

Weiss: "Well that's good." **removes hot dog**

Yang: **cough cough**

Neptune: "Well, I'll catch you guys later." **leaves**

Weiss: "Bye! Yang I'm sorry, but you left me no choice."

Yang: "Weiss."

Weiss: "Hmm?"

Yang: "Shove your meat back down my throat."


	36. Chapter 36

**The Atlas mech stomping about in volume 6 episode 10 and 11**

Ruby: "We need to figure out a way to stop Cordovin, any ideas guys?"

Jaune: "What if, we all scatter about and try to dodge its missiles?"

Weiss: "Jaune, that's fucking stupid."

Jaune: "Well okay missy, what's your plan?!"

Weiss: "Use your semblance to amplify mine, so I can use my glyphs to summon a giant knight and kick its ass."

Jaune: "That... Is surprisingly simple."

Cordovin in the mech: "YES, I SHALL KILL WEISS SCHNEE, that'll look good for my career-"

 **Giant knight appears, is bigger than the mech**

Cordovin: "... Oh shit."

* * *

Ruby:"Hey Weiss, you wanna see me eat this cookie through my nose?!"

Weiss: "No Ruby, that's gross."

Ruby: "You wanna see me eat it through my pussy?"

Weiss: "... Do it."

* * *

Winter: "Sooooooo, Ironwood. How's about we stop playing games and get nasty?"

Ironwood: "Excuse me?"

Winter: "Pound my pussy."

Ironwood: "... Schnee, despite that being completely inappropriate behavior of an officer and his underling, I should inform you that I don't even have a penis to perform such an act."

Winter: "Eh what?"

Ironwood: **pulls down pants, shows bare metal skeleton**


	37. Chapter 37

Sun: "Well Blake, I really should be going."

Blake: "Ok Sun, be safe out there and remember to"

Weiss dressed as Neptune: "Hey Sun, I'm ready to head to Vacuo."

Blake: "... Weiss... What are you doing?"

Weiss dressed as Neptune: "What, I'm not Weiss. Weiss is going to Atlas, which I am not and will never set foot there again GAH I MEAN EVER! I meant I'll never set foot there ever."

Sun: "Oh don't be like that dude, I've heard Atlas is actually a very beautiful place."

Neptune: "Hey Sun, hey Neptune, we ready to head out?"

Blake: "... What... You guys can't be serious?"

Neptune: "What does she mean?"

Sun: "I don't know Neptune, but you're not gonna believe this. Neptune here says he never wants to go to Atlas."

Neptune: "Well I don't blame him, Atlas is the coldest continent in Remnant."

Weiss dressed as Neptune: "YES, that is exactly why I don't wanna go back there. I mean, why I won't ever go there."

Sun: "Well that's fair, come on Neptunes, lets get out of here."

 **Sun, Neptune, and Weiss leave**

Blake: "... What the fuck just happened?"

* * *

 **Sun with Weiss dressed as Neptune, Neptune, Scarlet, and Sage**

Sun: "Alright listen up ladies, every day we're gonna set aside one hour for brutal training as we make our way to Vacuo."

Scarlet: "Hey uh Sun. There's something off about our team."

Sun: "What do you mean?"

Sage: "Well it feels like there's more of us than usual."

Weiss dressed as Neptune: "NAAAAAWWW, there's not more us than usual."

Neptune: "Yeah I agree with Neptune here."

Sun: "Well how many of us are there usually?"

Scarlet: "There's suppose to be four of us."

Sun: "Alright, let's see. One" **points at Neptune** "Two" **points at Weiss dressed as Neptune** , "three," **points at Scarlet** , "Four," **points at Sage.** "... Naw, looks like we're all here."

* * *

Jaune: "So uh, what do you think of Weiss?"

Saffron: "She's really nice I guess, why do you ask?"

Jaune: "I mean, she's really cute and all and I... Well back at Haven I saved her life so I was thinking... Maybeeeeee..."

Saffron: "Jaune... She's gay."

Jaune: "What? No, she's not gay."

Saffron: "Trust me little bro, I can always tell. She's so far in the closet, she evicted the boogeyman. Trust me, she's 100% lesbo."

Jaune: "Oh what, you just always know when someone's gay?"

Saffron: "Pretty much."

Jaune: "So what, you got some sort sixth sense, or some kind of internal radar that..."

Saffron: "... Yes I do."

Jaune: "... Oh my god she's gay."

Saffron: "Sorry little bro."

Jaune: "Well Yang's cute, is she gay?"

Saffron: "She's definitely bi, probably pansexual."

Jaune: "And Blake?"

Saffron: "As for Blake, well that one's obvious. She is definitely, 100% without a shadow of a doubt"

 **The End**

 **A/N lol we'll see. Tho I wouldn't be surprised if she is. Also, pretty sure Yang's pansexual at this point**


	38. Chapter 38

**Weiss breastfeeding her baby boy**

Ruby: "Oh my GAAAAWD, Weiss your son is so precious."

Weiss: "Hehe, thanks... Oh my Walt, you're really hungry."

Ruby: "He is, you must have some tasty boobies."

Weiss: "Oh yeah, you should totally give em a try sometime."

Ruby: "... Okay!"

Weiss: "Eh, no Ruby I was jo-OOOHHHH!"

Ruby: **Sucking on Weiss's breast**

Weiss: "Eh... You know I'm strangely okay with this."

* * *

Blake: "Yang... We need to talk."

Yang: "Oh no, what's going on?"

Blake: "This is hard for me to say, but... I think we should break up."

Yang: "What NO! What can we do to fix this?!"

Blake: "It's not that simple... I mean... Not to sound cliche or anything, but it really is me not you."

Yang: "Blake we can work this out."

Blake: "There's someone else okay!"

Yang: "... Oh my god."

Blake: "I'm sorry Yang I still love you, but... I feel like I found my soulmate."

Yang: **sighs** "So this is it huh. I guess now we can" **ding** "What the?"

Blake: "What's you got there?"

Yang: "Sun just sent me a request to join him and Ilia in some sort of club?"

Blake: "Club?"

Yang: "The, we got rejected by Blake for someone else club."

* * *

Qrow: "You know Raven, you really are sick, twisted, and demented. Just like our bastard father."

Raven: "No... I'd say I'm sick, twisted, and demented in a way that's entirely my own."

* * *

 **Neo and Cinder's sexy outfits in Volume 6 episode 13**

Cinder: "Hmmmmm, Neo you looking ravishing in your attire."

Neo: **holding up a sign "Oh stop"**

Cinder: "Yes, I thought the reason Ruby stopped me at Beacon was because I wore too little clothing, clearly I was wrong. Now with even less clothing than before, there's nothing in Atlas that can possibly stop me."

 **Volume 7 Neo and Cinder in Atlas shivering in front of Team RWBY**

Cinder: "Pre-pa-pa-pa-PARE Ruby, I-I-I"

Ruby: "OMG why would you two wear something like that on the coldest continent in Remnant?"


	39. Chapter 39

Adam: "So my spies tell me your diary speaks of a new love in your life, but it couldn't specify who. Tell me Blake, who is your new love so I can slay them."

Blake: "I'll never tell you, but I'll say this. The person I love is better than you in every way imaginable."

Adam: "But... The only person who's better than me is... ME!"

Blake: "Eh... What?"

Adam: "So, you're the scum that took my woman away from me."

Adam: "She was always mine to begin with you pathetic welp. You're not fit to own her."

Blake: "Uhhhhhh?"

Adam: "Well Adam, when I'm through with you I'll carve your head inside out like a jack-o-lantern."

Adam: "Bring it on bastard, my Blake and I will feast on your corpse."

Adam: **stabs self, lands face first onto the ground, and dies**

Blake: "... What the fuck just happened?!"

* * *

Yang: "Yo Rubes, yo mama's so fat she uses a school bus for a dildo."

Ruby: "Yeah, well your mama's so fat, the amount of force her heart requires to pump blood throughout the body could lead to serious irreversible damage if she doesn't make serious changes to her diet within the next six years."

Yang: "Well yo mama"

Weiss: "What the hell are you two doing?"

Ruby: "Its a yo mama battle."

Weiss: "Just sounds like you two are saying horrible things to each other."

Yang: "Naw it's fine, it's all in good fun. Go ahead Weiss, do one on me."

Weiss: "Are you sure?"

Yang: "Trust me, I can take anything you can dish out."

Weiss: "Okay, Yang... Your mother is a horrible selfish person who puts her own safety above everyone else including her own family and is more likely to get you killed than show you any affection."

Yang: "..."

Ruby: "..."

Weiss: "Hehe, this is fun."

Ruby: "Weiss, what the hell."

Yang: **sniffles**

Weiss: "Oh my god did I not do it right?"

Yang: **cries on Ruby's shoulder**

Ruby: "Damn it Weiss, yo mama jokes aren't based on truth!"

* * *

Nora: "Hey uh, Pyrrha?"

Pyrrha: "Yes?"

Nora: "I... This is kind of embarrassing, but I need your semblance for a second."

Pyrrha: "Oh uh, okay. What do you need it for?"

Nora: "I uuhhhhh... Well I couldn't get my vibrator to work so... I had my scroll on vibrate and was using it for ah... Welllllll"

Pyrrha: "Oh my."

Nora: **blushes** "And um... It slipped in and... I can't get it out."


	40. Chapter 40

**Yang walks into her dorm and sees both Ruby and Weiss on top of the top bunk of Ruby's bed**

Yang: "Uh... What are you two doing?"

Ruby: **points to the ground** "It's that spider Yang, KILL IT KILL IT!"

Yang: **looks at spider** "Really girls? You're both training to be huntresses and you're both afraid of a little OH MY GOD ITS LOOKING AT ME!" **jumps onto Ruby's bunk**

Weiss: "What do we do now? That thing is so gross and scary."

Blake: **walks in** "Hey girls, what are you three doing?"

Ruby: "Quick Blake, run, get help before that spider gets you."

Blake: "Ooooo a spider, DIBS!"

Yang: "Wait, what do you mean dibs?"

Blake: **eats the spider**

Yang, Ruby, Weiss: **O_O**

Blake: "What are you all looking at? Cats eat spiders all the time, did you three not know that?"

Yang: "You know, suddenly I find you significantly less attractive now."

* * *

Winter: "Miss Xiao Long, it has come to my attention you rescued my sister from Raven's tribe."

Yang: "Oh that, yeah it was nothing. I just happened to be in the area."

Winter: "Regardless of the circumstance, the fact is my sister is safe thanks to you. Thus I wish to pleasure you sexually for your service."

Yang: "Oh, wow... Uhhhhh, I don't know. I kinda have a whole bunch of mix feelings right now since"

Winter: "Miss Xiao Long, I assure you this is an opportunity you do not wish to pass up. Just ask the Arc kid."

Yang: "Wait, you slept with Jaune?"

Winter: "Of course, he also saved my little sister from certain death at the battle of Haven. Thus I gave him a proper reward."

Jaune: **Enters sweaty and panting** "Yang... Do it. We just did and Winter is just... So incredible."

Winter: **pinching Jaune's cheek** "Aw aren't you cute."

Yang: "Well then... I suppose I'll have to take you up on that offer."

* * *

Yang: "So dad, you got together with both women in your team?"

Tai: "Oh yeah, not to brag, but your old man got some moves."

Yang: "Yeah, but... One thing I don't understand is, Ruby and I are only two years apart."

Tai: "Yes."

Yang: "So like... If Summer got pregnant for nine months, did you and her get married a year after my mom left? Also how did you get over her so quickly that you not only opened yourself up to another person, but marriage no less? And was Summer always in love with you even when you and my mom were a thing? Did you guys fall in love between you getting over Raven and the first year she left to the point you got remarried? It just seems weird how quickly you and Summer got together."

Tai: "Well sweetie, Summer and I were always together."

Yang: "Oh you mean like a friend thing?"

Tai: "No Raven, Summer, and I were always a couple since Beacon, but when she left, Summer and I still had each other and we got married sometime after that."

Yang: "... I don't understand, you were... In a relationship with... Two people? At the same time?"

Tai: "Well yeah, the three of us took care of you when you were born and then"

Yang: "Wait, wait, wait, wait... Lemme get this straight... Three people can be in a relationship together? Like... THAT'S A THING!?"

Tai: "Uh... Well yeah, for some people that works."

Yang: "... Oh my god," **Takes out scroll and calls Blake** "BLAAAKE! I have an idea that solves all our problems, get Sun and meet up with me!"

* * *

 **Greannrose OC Bleu makes another appearance**

Bleu: "Ok, this is it. Today is the day I tell Ruby how I feel about her." **Enters dorm** "Ruby I have to tell... What the?"

Ruby: **with bandages on her hands** "Hey Bleu, yeah long story, but I hurt my hands and I gotta keep them wrapped for a few days."

Bleu: "Oh my god I'm so sorry."

Ruby: "It's fine, no permanent damage, but since you're here can I ask you a favor?"

Bleu: "Anything."

Ruby: "Can you follow me to the girls locker room and undress me?"

Bleu: "Un...Undress you?" **blushes**

Ruby: "And can you wash my body, I'm completely useless without my hands."

Bleu: "Wa wa wa WASH YOU!" **face turns completely red with a nosebleed then passes out**

Ruby: "Oh my god Bleu," **rushes to Bleu** "Bleu are you okay...Speak to me! BLEEEEUUUUUU!"

* * *

 **A/N even tho the Greannrose author is having a few issues with her fanfiction, I still love her OC because she is so cute and lovable.**


	41. Chapter 41

5 year old Ruby: "Yang, I'm gonna marry you when I grow up."

7 year old Yang: "Awww, cute. Ok Ruby, when we grow up I'll marry you."

 **ten years later**

Yang: "You know Blake, I'm really starting to like you."

Blake: "Yeah, I kinda feel the same"

Ruby: **gives death glare** "Blake!"

Blake: "Uhhh."

Ruby: "Stay away from my waifu."

Yang: "Ruby, what are you talking about?"

Ruby: **slightly sad** "Yaaaang, you already agreed to marry me."

Yang: "Yeah well we were only"

Ruby: "You... Lah lah lah, lied to me."

Yang: "Well... No I didn't lie I just..."

Ruby: **puppy dog eyes**

Yang: "... Haha... Yeah just a joke, of course I'm gonna marry you Ruby."

Ruby: "YAY!" **snuggles Yang's boobs then glares at Blake** "BACK OFF!"

* * *

 **Rooster teeth headquarters**

Miles: **writing** _And then the evil god brought Ozma back to life. For no raisin._ "Ha, such compelling writing if I do say so myself."

Intern: "Um, do you honestly not see anything wrong with that?"

Miles: "What do you mean? Salem lost her boyfriend so she wants to bother two literal gods and because she doesn't get what she wants, she's evil."

Intern: "Sir, can you please just take another look at that last line and tell me you see exactly why it's incredibly stupid."

Miles: "What do you mean, a god that is only known for being evil and spreading Grimm to kill innocent people would totally OOOOOOOOOO... Okay, I see the problem now."

Intern: "Thank god."

Miles: "It's because I wrote raisin and not reason. My mistake, thanks for checking my spelling."

Intern: "... I quit."

* * *

Weiss: **walks into dorm and sees four Yangs** "What the...Huh?"

Yang: "Hey Weiss, like my clones?"

Weiss: "What? How did you even? WHAT!?"

Yang: "Yeah apparently someone's semblance at this school is being able duplicate anything, but only for a few hours. Regardless, ladies it's time to get down to business."

Weiss: "Business."

Yang: "Yeah I gonna fuck myself-sssssss. This is gonna be fun."

Yang clone: "You could call it a good old... Yang bang."

Yang: "Ha, good one me."


	42. Chapter 42

Ruby: "Hey Bleu, I invited Neo over for a threesome. Is that okay?"

Bleu: "I don't know, I can't imagine sleeping with anyone except you."

Neo: **Morphs into another Ruby**

Bleu: O_O "Okay I'm in."

* * *

Summer: "Hey Qrow, when did you first realize you had a bad luck semblance?"

Qrow: "Well when I was a kid I could never win at hide and seek. So that's when I realized I had bad luck, as a semblance."

Summer: "Hide and seek? Really?"

Qrow: "Oh yeah, when Raven and I were kids, she'd ALWAYS find me, every... Single... Time!

 **Qrow and Raven's childhood**

10 year old Raven: "READY OR NOT HERE I COME!" **Opens portal, arrives behind Qrow hiding behind a rock**

10 year old Qrow: "Hehehe... I'm so far away, she'll never find me."

10 year old Raven: **pokes Qrow** "Found you!"

10 year old Qrow: "What the-HOW DO YOU FIND ME-EVERY... SINGLE... TIME!?"

* * *

Coco: "Yo Cardin!"

Cardin: "The fuck do you want?"

Coco: "I... wanted... to make a deal with you." **gets up close**

Cardin: **Backs into a wall** "...Um... What deal was that?"

Coco: **lightly rubs Cardin's crotch** "Well you've been harming my friend Velvet lately, perhaps you and your boys could leave her alone in exchange for your balls."

Cardin: "Hehe... Well IieeeEEEYY" **cries in pain**

Coco: **squeeze balls** "Yeeeeaaaaah, if you and your boys leave her alone, I'll let you keep one of your balls!"

Cardin: "Wa-ONE!"

Coco: **squeeze harder** "Of course, I gotta make sure you know I mean business. If you don't make good on your threats, what good are your threats?"

Cardin: "No please I GAAAAAHHH!"

Coco: "What's that, you wanna make a deal for your other testicle!" **Squeezes more**

Cardin: "YES PLEASE ANYTHING!"

Coco: "Hmmmmmm, how about you bake a carrot cake with an apology written in icing on top?"

Cardin: "But... I don't know how to" **Coco squeezes harder** "GAAAAHH I'LL LOOK UP A RECIPE! PLEASE JUST LET GO!

Coco: **Lets go** "You have 3 hours, get moving!"

 **2 hours later**

Cardin: **Holds a poorly frosted cake with scribbling "I'm sarrie" on top**

Velvet: "You're... Sar...-Rie?"

Coco: **Peaks** "Hmmm, well aside from spelling it is a nice gesture isn't it Velvet?"

Velvet: "I... I guess."


	43. Chapter 43

Yang: "Come on Schnee, haven't you ever wondered what it would be like with another woman?"

Weiss: "I mean... Sure, but I don't know."

Yang: "Trust me, it will feel so good."

 **30 minutes of sexiness**

Yang: **Licking Weiss's pussy**

Weiss: "Oh Yang, OOOOOOO YAANNNG! OH... What the? Something feels weird Yang stop."

Yang: **Stops licking** "What's the matter ice queen, this getting too hot for you?"

Weiss: "No...Well yes, but not in that... Ow," **pussy starts to burn** "OOOOWWWW" **grabs pussy as it feels like its on fire** "OWWWWWHOHOHO, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME!"

Yang: "Probably that bottle of hot sauce I chugged before we started."

Weiss: "You- YOU DID WHAT!"

Yang: "Yep, that'll teach you for hogging all the hot water every night this past week. Now you get to burn for it."

Weiss: "FUCK YOU YANG!"

* * *

 **Off screen**

Sun: "I just don't get it Neptune, no matter what I do, I still get massive amounts of hate."

Neptune: "Well you just gotta figure out what the fandom likes and try to appeal to them."

Sun: "... What the fandom likes... THAT'S IT!"

 **Next episode**

Sun: "Hi Blake."

Blake: "Hey Sun."

Fandom: "BOOOOO WHAT A SHITTY CHARACTER, FUCK THAT GUY, HE SUCKS! DIE SUN DIE!"

Sun: "Say Blake, did you know I'm actually Bisexual?"

Fandom: "OH MY GOD, SUN'S GAY! HOW PROGRESSIVE! Sun's my new favorite character! He's the best!"

* * *

 **Ruby and Team CFVY out to lunch**

Waitress: "Alright, I'll get y'all orders ready in no time." **leaves**

Ruby: "Sooooo how long you two been going out?"

Coco: "Whoa Ruby, we're... Not dating. Wait are we dating?"

Fox: "I hope not, I was gonna get the number of our waitress."

Coco: "You dick, I wanted her number."

Ruby: "Actually I was talking about you and Velvet."

Velvet: "Oh no, Fox and I are just friends. Well except on Thursdays."

Ruby: "No I was talking about you Velvet and you Coco... And wait, Thursdays?"

Velvet: "Oh yeah, Thursdays Fox and Yatsu get back from the gym and I just have to jump on one or both of them."

Coco: "And I usually get the other if they're free."

Ruby: "Oooooo-kaaaayyy... I get it now, you and Velvet are just, not involved?"

Coco: "Oh no, we bang all the time, well... Except when she's banging her precious Yatsu."

Velvet: "For the last time Coco until you can choke me as hard as Yatsu, I'm going to fuck you less."

Ruby: "Oh my god, why'd I even ask. Ok look I get, you're all just... Friends with benefits, with... Each other right?"

Coco: "Weeeeelll... No, not exactly."

Ruby: "What do you mean no?"

Fox: "None of us are friends."

Yatsu: "Yeah I hate all three of my teammates."

Velvet: "Couldn't agree more."

Coco: "Ditto."

Ruby: **brain stopped working**


	44. Chapter 44

Weiss: "Father what's this I hear about the SDC logo branded on Faunus?!"

Jacquis: "You got me, when Faunus employees start to talking about their" **air quotes** "Rights, we brand them as a reminder of who they belong to."

Weiss: "That's horrible!"

Blake: "Disgusting!"

Yang: "Who they... belong to?"

 **later**

Ruby: "Are you... Sure about this?" **Holding a burning branding iron with Blake engraved**

Yang: **presenting her ass** "For the last time YES! Now hurry up, before the branding cools off!"

* * *

Salem: "Oh my, so you're the vessel my ex husband currently resides in."

Oscar: "Uhhhh"

Ozpin in Oscar's mind: "Don't worry Oscar, even if you die I'll be fine."

Oscar: **whispers** "How is that suppose to make me feel better?"

Salem: **places hand on Oscar's cheek** "My my, aren't you a cutie."

Oscar: "Uhhhh... I need an adult."

Salem: "I am an adult."

* * *

 **Ruby, Weiss, and Blake eating lunch**

Yang: **Walks in** "Hey guys, mind if I join you?"

Ruby: "Of course, pull up a- HEY Yang, what are"

Yang: **taking a bite of Ruby's cookies** "Hmmmm naw too sweet."

Blake: "Yang, you can't just-HEY!"

Yang: **Takes a bite of Blake's fish** "Bleh, too salty."

Weiss: "Okay seriously Yang, do you really think..."

Yang: **Sips Weiss's porridge** "Mmmmmm just right" **takes Weiss's meal** "Thanks Weiss."


	45. Chapter 45

**Mercury and Emerald naked**

Mercury: "Hehe, it was only a matter of time before you gave in Em. So you wanna-"

Emerald: "Yeah, can you shut up for a second" **uses illusion powers to make Mercury look like Cinder** "Okay, now I'm ready." **lies on bed** "Come and get some baby."

Mercury: "Oh hell y-"

Emerald: "Ah-ah-ah! No talking please."

* * *

 **Pyrrha gets resurrected**

Jaune: "PYYRRRHAA!" **hugs her**

Ruby: "Oh my god, we've missed you so much."

Pyrrha: "Eh-hehe."

Nora: "OMG! We have like, sooooooo many things to catch up on!"

Pyrrha: "That's nice an all, but if you don't mind I'd very much like my armor and weapons back."

Jaune: "... Oooooo, yeah about those."

Pyrrha: "Sorry it's just they're family heirlooms and they're very valuable to me."

Jaune: "Oh god"

Pyrrha: "In fact, they belonged to my mother before she passed away and I'd hate to see... Jaune, what's wrong?"

Jaune: **bursts into tears** "I'M SO SORRYYYYYYY!"

* * *

 **Ruby and Weiss walking through the mall**

Weiss: "I tell ya Ruby I'm really glad I'm spending Christmas at Beacon, I can't tell you how awful it is at my household."

Ruby: "For real?"

Weiss: "Yeah, but you guys seem great and mature and-"

At a distance: "HO-HO-HOOOOOO"

 **The two girls turn to find a mall Santa stationed in the middle of the mall**

Mall Santa: "Meeeeeeeeer-ry Christmas boys and girls!"

Weiss: "Oh my god, remember when you were little and sitting on Santa's-"

Ruby: "SANTAAAAAAA, OH MY GOD!"

Weiss: "Eh, really Ruby? Aren't you a little old to get excited about a fa-"

Yang shouting at a distance: "OVER HERE SANTA!"

Ruby: "YANG, are you seeing what I'm seeing?!"

Yang **arrives** : "Uh, YEAH! How lucky are we that literally every year THE Santa Claus comes to our local mall, no matter where we're at."

Ruby: "Well what are we standing here for, let's sit on his lap already!"

 **Ruby and Yang skip towards Santa**


End file.
